Tag: #transformed

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So Refreshing!

Today I invite you to take a trip with me down memory lane . . . first to my childhood, then to my early twenties! Come along with me, won’t you? 

For as long as I can remember, I wanted people to like me. I sought approval. Not to mention that I worried about everything. My guess is that this attitude came from my father leaving when I was a just a toddler. Somewhere in my little soul, I must have felt unloved because my mum was busy navigating her new life as a single parent while caring for my almost newborn sibling. Every time I think about my younger self, my heart goes out to that little girl . . . she had to navigate complex issues at such a tender age.  

So here I was, wanting people to like me and ready to try almost anything to “fit in.” As you can imagine, I found myself in places that I shouldn’t have been, and with friends that weren’t the best company for me. This is pretty much how I lived. That is, until somewhere in my mid-twenties when the company I worked for quietly decided to close down their Kenya office. I lost my job when they gradually started laying off people. 

And you know what? With the job went many of my friends! As you can imagine, my worries doubled! Actually, they more like quadrupled! In my seemingly endless spare time, I began to find comfort in writing prayers asking God to get me a new job and new friends (who would like me, of-course). I believed in God; which is why I penned the prayers. I also wanted to have a meaningful relationship with God. But, I worried that I couldn’t obey all His commandments, and I was unwilling to commit to rules I knew I couldn’t keep. Neither did I want to give up things I was doing that He didn’t like; and they were many! 

At about this time, I made a new friend and she invited me to a women’s gathering; which turned out to be a Bible study. Then, one day, while I was at this Bible study, I discovered something completely new that I had never heard before: 

"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works, so that no one can boast."
Ephesians 2:8–9 NIV

I was surprised to discover that a relationship with God is a gift He gives, and not a set of rules to follow. So, quietly, at home, on my own, I told God that I wanted to accept His gift of salvation, and have a relationship with Him. 

That was quite a while back. Since then, I’ve learnt to pray about everything; and I mean everything! Rather than worry endlessly about all manner of things, I pray. Also, because I now know that God loves me as I am, I’m healing from the need to have people’s approval. Which means I am free to be myself because I’m not doing or saying things to get anyone to like me. (And no–I’m not going around saying mean things or acting irresponsibly!) It’s so refreshing to just be myself!

Oh! And God did give me new friends and a new job.  

In fact, as I write this, I am reminded that God works all things together for the good of His children. What started off as unemployment brought me salvation, new friends, and an entirely new and unexpected career. 

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."
Romans 8:28 NIV

Isn’t God wonderful? ❤️

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He is at Work!  

“For it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfil His good purpose.”                                               Philippians 2:13 NIV

Ever given thought to what this verse really means? Another version says “God brings forth the desire and effort.” This verse came to mind as I reflected on two conversations I had over the past two (consecutive) Fridays. These conversations revealed a new me that I was unaware existed. 

Friday One: I received a call asking me to re-send payment details for bank transfer I had done a month ago. This accountant was reconciling his books and couldn’t find the payment I made. I did as asked, then he called to say he still couldn’t find the payment. I confidently told him to check with their bank because the transaction had cleared on my end. Then, as we were speaking, I found myself saying that I too would check with my bank just to be sure. I wasn’t sure why I said that, because I had confirmed that the transaction was successful, but since I had said it, I had to check. And you know what? It turned out that the transaction was reversed into my account a day after the payment, and I missed this on my statement! So, while I was confident that I had made payment and the error must be on their end, it turned out that this wasn’t the case! I promptly called the accountant back and told him what had happened, and then I thanked God that He had kept me from being brash. 

Friday Two: A friend and I were chatting. She and I often have differing views on some aspects of how to live out our faith. On this day, our conversation veered in the direction of one of our differences. As she shared her view on a certain matter, I was surprised to find that I was unusually open to hearing and considering her view. This is in contrast to the usual <silent> opposition that would be in my heart. When I got home, I looked up a verse that we had discussed, and it ended up being that the Lord was pointing me to the part B of this verse—the part she and I didn’t discuss. I let my friend know that she was right, and again thanked God for using her to pass on a word from Him. 

On Friday One, I took note that my heart’s disposition had shifted—softened a bit—but didn’t dwell on it much. So on Friday Two I took time to compare the two conversations. My conclusion was that without my knowledge, the Lord had been working a new level of humility in me. He had been working in me the ability to “consider others as better than myself” (Philippians 2:3). And, He made this change in me without my having to do anything! 

I am reminded that for as long as we are committed to spending time in God’s presence, He will be at work transforming us, and making us more Christ-like. 

“Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed—not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence—continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfil His good purpose.” Philippians 2:13 NIV

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Conformed or Transformed 2

Remember how I almost got married a decade ago in a bid to conform to society’s expectations? If you haven’t read part 1, start here. All caught up? Let’s continue . . .

Oddly, despite making the decision to soldier on, I continued to say a prayer that went something like — “Lord, if this guy is not the one for me, please remove him from my heart and life. Don’t let me make a mistake.” Strange, yes? God, in His mercy, answered. One day I felt something like scales fall off my eyes and simultaneously had a series of flashbacks of all the red flags I was ignoring. And boy, were they many! I saw the entirety of our dating life from a crystal-clear perspective. It was like watching a movie of someone else about to make a colossal mistake. That day, I knew I could not go ahead with the wedding. So, I called off the next visit in our cultural process. Actually, truth be told, I didn’t have the courage to outright cancel it. I instead postponed the date, without offering a new date. He knew something was wrong, but he did not make a fuss. But (and again I shake my head) I continued to date him. I didn’t have the courage to leave. He had not been unfaithful, or abusive, or any other majorly negative thing. I continually asked myself, “In what universe does a 30-something-year-old-girl call off an engagement yet the guy is faithful and honourable? What will people say?” I kept this up for perhaps a year. All the while praying for God to remove him from my heart and life. Again, like I said, God in His mercy answered my prayer. He gave me both the courage and opportunity to call it off. God even ensured my dad had my back because dad told me that it should not matter what people think of me, only that I was making the right decision. So, I called off the engagement.

I thought the shame and pain would kill me. But God! God is so faithful! I did not cry once after I called it off. Instead, I felt relieved and joyful and eager to see what God had in store for my future. I also thought He had a husband waiting right around the corner; but that’s a story for another day.  

Now that I am older, and slightly more mature in my faith, I understand that marriage should represent the love Jesus has for His bride/the church . . . it isn’t something to be taken lightly. It certainly was madness for me to want to get married just because I was getting old. At only 33! Ha! 

Like I said in part 1, I am now 43. Knowing what marriage symbolises, makes me want to go into it for the right reason, and with every intention of honouring my vows.

Some days I despair about whether it will happen. 

But then, even if I never get married, it doesn’t diminish my worth, or my love for Jesus!  I’d much rather keep being transformed than conform to society’s expectations.

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Come Back Here, You!!

There is a time when the vet came by to see our cat. And cats . . . you know how smart they can be . . . she instantly knew that this wasn’t a visitor to be friendly with. What did she do? She hid somewhere we could’t reach! The vet figured out a way to get into her hiding place and she quickly dashed away. The thirty or so minutes that followed consisted of the vet and cat playing hide and seek. Every time the vet got close to catching her, she would scurry off again! 

Her scurrying about reminded me of a time when my mind was like the cat. Whenever someone got into a long conversation with me, my thoughts would zoom off into all directions, except in the direction of that particular conversation. I could tell it was happening, but I had a knack for being able to track both my thoughts and the conversation so I did nothing to rein in my thoughts.

That is until one day my younger sister called me out. She said she knew that I don’t really pay attention when she speaks. Then she added that what frustrated her is not that I don’t listen, but that I’m somehow able to repeat what she was saying, even though she knew I wasn’t being attentive. The wounded look on her made me want to fix my behaviour because I didn’t want to continue hurting her. 

This conversation with her began my attempts to rein in my mind. I had to practise telling my thoughts to come back to the conversation. Over and over until I became a more present listener. 

That is until recently when I began to notice that while I’m present with people, I was not present when reading the Bible. Sometimes I’d read a verse and would not be able to remember what it was about. I was reading, but my mind was all over the place. Thinking about all sorts of things. Often they would be things that I am trying to figure out.

You see, I’m in the most challenging season I have ever gone through. I have assurance that God will get me through (you can read a bit more here) but it is taking way longer than I thought it would. So I find that anxiety is attempting to settle in. While I read the Bible, my eyes are on the words, but my mind is going through all the things that I need to do, or all the things I’m afraid will not work out. My mind replays scenarios of how certain matters might play out. Other times, my mind is searching through my past to identify the big sin I committed to deserve being in this season.

Last week I remembered my experience with my sister and identified that I was doing the same thing to the Lord. Physically present, but mentally absent. How hurt God must be . . . even now, just thinking about how I have wounded Him brings tears to my eyes. 

So I have to again get myself into the habit of telling my thoughts, “Come back here, you!” while asking the Lord for help at the same time. 

“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” 
1 Peter 5:7 NIV
“Cast your cares on the Lord
    and he will sustain you;
he will never let
    the righteous be shaken.” 
Psalm 55:22 NIV

Come back here, you! The Lord is in control. 

❤️ PHL

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I Can’t, But God Can!

This is part two of a previous post, which you can catch here.

Back to 1 Samuel 20 . . . Jonathan could have been content in the knowledge that he was next in line to be king, and sided with his father, King Saul, about harming David. Jonathan was after all the one set to benefit most if David was out of the way. But Jonathan chose to do what is right—he told his father that his treatment of David was unfair, and then he advised David to flee. Jonathan acted righteously! 

What came to mind at the end of this story was every-day situations that we face. For example, how many of us see our mothers mistreat our sisters-in-law and say nothing? How many of us are hesitant to warmly welcome our brother’s wife into the family? How many of us see our brothers or husbands speak hurtfully to children and say nothing? How many of us treat some children in the family better than others? Or distinguish between how we treat children from the city and those from the village? How many of us listen in silence while one friend gossips about another? Or, how many of us are unwilling to care for an ageing parent who neglected/abandoned us as children? A whole number of day-to-day situations flashed through my mind, and I confess that I have certainly not always acted righteously. There is massive room for me to change my outlook and constantly ask myself, “how would I want to be treated in this situation?” Plus learn to speak up in love and not judgement . . . 

It feels like a enormous change is required, and I know that I certainly cannot do it on my own. Which is why I am so grateful that when I confess my sin to God, He is faithful to forgive me and forget my sin (1 John 1:9). Then I can go ahead and ask Him to give me the grace to love people . . . because I acknowledge that I cannot do this in my own effort.

“For it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfil his good purpose.” 
Philippians 2:13 NIV

Isn’t it wonderful that we serve a God who gives us His Spirit to work in us so we are able to do the things He desires and asks of us? Especially so for the things that we cannot do on our own?

Thank You, Jesus! ❤️

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I Already Know This, Or Do I?

I’m doing some research and needed to understand what the word “righteous” really means. And, I wanted to get it in a way that I could explain it to a child.

It’s a word that we use rather often . . . especially if you are in the habit of reading the Bible. Perhaps, like me, you are in the habit of reminding yourself what the Bible says:

“God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.”
1 Cor 5:21 NIV

Which is why I was doing my study from an “I already know what this means” perspective. I was truly shocked to realise I knew little about what it means to be righteous. And now that I think about it, I can’t quite explain what I thought it meant before. I think it was an abstract concept in my mind—something along the lines of doing what God or the Bible says. Which in itself isn’t wrong, but extremely general in meaning. 

I dove into chapter twenty of 1 Samuel. The story of Jonathan and David coming up with a plan to verify whether King Saul really intended to kill David. And here’s what I learnt: whereas before I would have stated that Jonathan was simply a good friend, now I see that in this instance, he acted in righteousness. 

Before I tell you why I think this, let me tell you what I’ve concluded is the meaning of righteous: it is the ability to do right, or treat others right. You know like what Jesus said in the Golden Rule, “do to others as you would have them do to you . . . ” (Matthew 7:12). And, righteous actions flow out of the love inside you. The brotherly (or sisterly!) kind of love where you want what’s best for the other person. 

Can you imagine what it would be like if we, followers of Jesus, treated people right? Can you imagine how easy it would be to share the gospel? 

Lord, help us! Fill our hearts with Your love, and give us the grace to treat others how we would like to be treated.

Look out for part two . . .  

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City On a Hill

A few years ago I got to go on a tour of the Holy Land. The trip unexpectedly came together at the very last minute, long after I had given up all hope of joining that particular tour. As I write this I am reminded how God often works things out at the eleventh hour! If you’re a Kenyan, then you know how we are a nation of “last-minuters”— it must be the one character trait of God that we bear collectively!

Then, yesterday my bible reading took me to a verse that always reminds me of this tour . . . 

As our bus made its descent into Jerusalem, a cluster of houses suddenly jumped out at me. There was nothing fancy about their architecture—they were entirely ordinary—yet something made them stand out.

The houses were extremely conspicuous. Impossible to miss! 

You probably can’t tell from this blurry photo taken from a moving bus . . . but the houses were perched right on the side of a hill.  And the moment I saw them, a specific verse instantly popped into my mind: 

“You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden." Matthew 5:14 NIV

And I instantly knew that the Holy Spirit was telling me that as a follower of Jesus, my life should be so different that I stand out wherever I am. Not in a snobbish, judgmental kind of way. But in an “I do things differently” kind of way. 

For instance, when there is heavy traffic—one of my absolute pet peeves—do I stay in my lane, or do I overlap like everyone else? When a friend or family member confides that money is tight, do I just offer a sympathetic “it’ll be okay,” or do I actually share what I have? When a conversation takes a turn down the “juicy gossip” route, do I jump in and contribute or stay silent?  And when someone trusts me with a prayer request do I repeat it under the guise of “sharing the burden” or do I keep the matter strictly between the Lord and me? 

Very often we associate being different with the more obvious things such as our dressing, how much we indulge in alcohol, whether we are keeping our bodies pure. But it goes much deeper than this. My everyday choices should continually reflect that I am different because I allow the Holy Spirit to guide my words and actions. 

 So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want. 
Galatians 5:16—17 NIV

Lord, help us to be like a city on a hill! 

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Not Around the Corner

The last time I was on these streets, I said it felt like the end of the season might be around the corner. I was both right and wrong! And I’m glad I added the disclaimer that whether right or wrong, I was trusting God to give me the courage and faith to be more like Jesus (I had forgotten this part though). 

If you haven’t already guessed, what seemed to be around the corner is taking much longer than anticipated. In that sense, I was wrong. However, I was at the same time right because the season did somewhat shift. 
How so? I hear you ask . . . 

I can only describe the shift as an adjustment in training intensity. You know like going from beginner to intermediate level. If I thought God was working in me before October, what He has been doing since then makes the earlier lessons seem like child’s play. And who can blame Him? I did, after all, invite Him to give me faith and courage to be more like Jesus! 

What I know now, that I did not know then, is that you cannot become more like Jesus unless you are aware how far you are from him, and what needs to change. Has the Lord ever put a mirror to your heart to show you what’s there? That’s what He did with me, and I can tell you what I saw was far from pretty. 

Rebellion, selfishness, pride (this one in particular caught me totally off guard!) . . . such things. Characteristics that I would not have thought applied to me. But, He has been so gracious in this new level of training. He didn’t show me everything at once. We’ve been going gradually. Like you would in a school curriculum. 

Have I mastered the lessons? Certainly not! Can I master them? Possibly not. What’s possible, though, is to day-by-day increase my dependence on God. Becoming like a newborn; utterly dependent on God for every decision, choice, action . . .  constantly inviting Him to weigh my motives for me.  

“'My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son.' Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as his children. For what children are not disciplined by their father? If you are not disciplined—and everyone undergoes discipline—then you are not legitimate, not true sons and daughters at all.” 
Hebrews 12:5—8 NIV

Am I enjoying the training? Certainly not! But, I can wait for what God promises as the end result: 

“No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.” 
Hebrews 12:11 NIV
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Boot Camp

As I navigate this season of caring for a sick parent, waiting while holding onto God’s promise of healing, I am learning that this chapter isn’t so much about the “soon-going-to-be-well” parent, but about God working in me. 

One of the things He has been working in me is the capacity for compassion at a much deeper level. When I encounter someone with a loved one who is unwell, or a person who themselves is unwell, I am filled with a deep-seated concern for their wellbeing and a desire to do something to help. That’s because I can relate to the anguish caused by caring for a sick loved one. Most often it is a brief prayer together, a call, or message to say I’m thinking of them. I find I can now empathise on a whole new scale. 

I’m aware that this is the Holy Spirit at work in me – softening my heart – so He can use me. A spiritual boot camp of sorts.

Many things about Jesus are hitting home in a new way. Here are a couple: 

“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathise with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin.” 
Hebrews 4:15 NIV
“For this reason he had to be made like them, fully human in every way, in order that he might become a merciful and faithful high priest in service to God, and that he might make atonement for the sins of the people.” 
Hebrews 2:17 NIV

Jesus came to live among us so that He could experience life as we do, and in this way be perfectly able to represent us and intercede for us before the Father. 

Now, before you go thinking that I’m anything like Jesus . . . I have not gained this increased capacity for compassion and empathy out of choice. The Lord has taken me through this season with me often kicking and screaming. I’ve been a reluctant student for the most part. But Jesus took on humanity willingly! He lived with us out of choice. This manner of love is beyond words.   

And for Jesus, it wasn’t just about going to the cross. His compassion is what led Him to heal the sick and free those under demonic oppression. Because of His great love, He wanted perfect wholeness in people’s bodies and souls. 

“When Jesus landed and saw a large crowd, he had compassion on them and healed their sick.” 
Matthew 14:14 NIV 

I feel like God’s promised healing (and the end of this season) is round the corner; though I could be wrong! Right or wrong, I am trusting God to give me the courage – and faith – to be more like Jesus. To show compassion by always praying for those who are unwell in their bodies or minds.

May the Lord help me! 

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Flawless

This month I’ve been reflecting on a portion of Psalm 139. I recently read the Psalm and noticed something I hadn’t seen before . . . despite this being one of my favourite Psalms!

In verses 13 and 15, it seemed to me like God was saying that He had made both my soul (created my inmost being) and my body (knit my frame) fearfully and wonderfully.

There was a time when I wished I was more outgoing and social, but that’s now in the past. However, I often look at my body and wish I was more shapely. Can you relate? Reading that my soul/personality and my body shape are wonderfully made . . . God crafted both . . . this gave me food for thought.

My personality is exactly what God wanted me to have so I could fulfil His purpose for me. Perhaps I could stretch it and say that my body shape is also part of me fulfilling all the plans God wrote concerning me in His book. This came as a shocker to me, and I must say it’s made me really re-think my view of what body shape I’d rather have. I’m having to un-do years (nay, decades!) of feeling like I got the short end of the stick when God was distributing shapely bodies!

How am I doing this?

Every morning and every night I look into the mirror and tell myself that my body and my soul/personality are fearfully and wonderfully made; specially crafted by God to enable me fulfil His mission for me on earth!

No wonder it says in Song of Songs that, 

"All beautiful you are, my darling; there is no flaw in you."     
Song of Songs 4:7 NIV