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Come Back Here, You!!

There is a time when the vet came by to see our cat. And cats . . . you know how smart they can be . . . she instantly knew that this wasn’t a visitor to be friendly with. What did she do? She hid somewhere we could’t reach! The vet figured out a way to get into her hiding place and she quickly dashed away. The thirty or so minutes that followed consisted of the vet and cat playing hide and seek. Every time the vet got close to catching her, she would scurry off again! 

Her scurrying about reminded me of a time when my mind was like the cat. Whenever someone got into a long conversation with me, my thoughts would zoom off into all directions, except in the direction of that particular conversation. I could tell it was happening, but I had a knack for being able to track both my thoughts and the conversation so I did nothing to rein in my thoughts.

That is until one day my younger sister called me out. She said she knew that I don’t really pay attention when she speaks. Then she added that what frustrated her is not that I don’t listen, but that I’m somehow able to repeat what she was saying, even though she knew I wasn’t being attentive. The wounded look on her made me want to fix my behaviour because I didn’t want to continue hurting her. 

This conversation with her began my attempts to rein in my mind. I had to practise telling my thoughts to come back to the conversation. Over and over until I became a more present listener. 

That is until recently when I began to notice that while I’m present with people, I was not present when reading the Bible. Sometimes I’d read a verse and would not be able to remember what it was about. I was reading, but my mind was all over the place. Thinking about all sorts of things. Often they would be things that I am trying to figure out.

You see, I’m in the most challenging season I have ever gone through. I have assurance that God will get me through (you can read a bit more here) but it is taking way longer than I thought it would. So I find that anxiety is attempting to settle in. While I read the Bible, my eyes are on the words, but my mind is going through all the things that I need to do, or all the things I’m afraid will not work out. My mind replays scenarios of how certain matters might play out. Other times, my mind is searching through my past to identify the big sin I committed to deserve being in this season.

Last week I remembered my experience with my sister and identified that I was doing the same thing to the Lord. Physically present, but mentally absent. How hurt God must be . . . even now, just thinking about how I have wounded Him brings tears to my eyes. 

So I have to again get myself into the habit of telling my thoughts, “Come back here, you!” while asking the Lord for help at the same time. 

“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” 
1 Peter 5:7 NIV
“Cast your cares on the Lord
    and he will sustain you;
he will never let
    the righteous be shaken.” 
Psalm 55:22 NIV

Come back here, you! The Lord is in control. 

❤️ PHL

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Conformed or Transformed?

A couple of days ago, my friend and I were having a laugh about the grass always seeming greener on the other side of the fence. You see, she’s married and wishes she were single. I am single and want to be married! How perplexing!  

Even though I’m single at 43, I almost got married a decade ago. The key word is almost. Why? How? Why? 

Well, the brief version is that we were incompatible. Mismatched. Unsuited.  

The longer version is that the guy and his family came home for what is the first visit in our cultural marriage process. My parents, family, and some friends were there to witness the joyous occasion. He and I had been dating for a while, and this was the expected next step. The night before, however, I found myself crying and feeling sad as I thought about the following day’s ceremony. You see, deep down, I knew that we were not a good match. I had asked him every possible question to gauge his opinion on issues that were important for me. Not once did he and I have the same stand on what mattered to me. Not once! Despite this, I continued dating him in the hope that he would change his mind or come around to my way of thinking’. Being in my early 30s, I believed that this was my final chance to get married. I thought that if I let this opportunity slip, I would be too old for anyone to ever consider me. How naive I was a decade ago! 

So back to the day before his family came for a visit. I knew I was highly likely making a mistake. However, the parents were now involved, and I couldn’t very well change my mind at that point. If I did, I would bring shame on my family and make me look like an outright idiot! If you know anything about African culture, you know that bringing shame to the family is a ‘no-no.’ Remember Miss goody-two-shoes? (Read it here) Well, she could not imagine being the one to set such a bad example for her younger siblings and cousins; or embarrass her parents. So, I did the sensible thing and chose to soldier on, with the intention of getting out of the marriage when things got worse. After I had a baby; of course! 

See how the devil’s lies can sound so reasonable? 

That’s why Romans 12:2 says we shouldn’t conform to the world’s patterns. 

Look out for Part two . . . 

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The Minister and the Doorman

In the 1980’s, my sister and I had the privilege of being the cutely dressed little girls who give flowers to the guest of honour at a government function. In those days it was quite common . . . perhaps even expected by the politicians! So, this one time, my sister and I were giving flowers to a certain well-known cabinet minister. Actually, in the 80’s, all cabinet ministers were well known! But I digress. Unexpectedly, the then Vice-President showed up at the function unannounced. Because there was only one set of flowers, we did an adorable curtsy, and said hello to him; with the flowers out of sight! To my surprise, the Vice-President was quite pleasant to us. He took time to say hello and engage us in a brief conversation before entering the room.

Shortly after, the cabinet minister who was guest of honour showed up. We put on our most charming smiles and presented the bouquet to him. To my surprise, he made no eye contact with us, took the flowers and without glancing at them, passed them on to his aide. Then he kept walking and talking to whoever he was with. Given the Vice-President’s warm acknowledgement, I was upset by this minister’s lack of warmth. As in, he didn’t think we were important enough for him to say hello to!

Fast-forward to a workshop I attended recently. We were given a task that involved reading James 2:1—12.  This is how the passage begins:

“My brothers and sisters, believers in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ must not show favouritism.”

James 2:1 NIV

As soon as I read this, I remembered the 1980s incident. I also had a flash back to earlier that morning when I arrived at the workshop venue. I was driving behind a new, flashy, pearl white Mercedes Benz. Without describing my car (which I happen to love) . . . let’s just say it is nothing like the Benz that was ahead of me 😊. So, I was quite surprised when the hotel doorman directed me to park my car under an attractive car shade while he allowed the Benz to squeeze itself out in the open, under a tree. Now, next to my car were exquisitely engineered cars. Quite unlike my car.  Similarly, the Benz was out of place where it was. The treatment I received from the doorman was very uncommon for me!

See, I live in a culture that seems to attach people’s worth to their wealth. The more wealth you have, or even appear to have, the more respectably people treat you. Sadly, this happens even with ushers at church, at family get-togethers or even in schools. 

The passage in James goes on to say,

“Suppose a man comes into your meeting wearing a gold ring and fine clothes, and a poor man in filthy old clothes also comes in.  If you show special attention to the man wearing fine clothes and say, “Here’s a good seat for you,” but say to the poor man, “You stand there” or “Sit on the floor by my feet,” have you not discriminated among yourselves and become judges with evil thoughts?

James 2:2-4 NIV

I don’t know about you, but I am guilty of discriminating against people; based on their looks. Sometimes I find myself clutching my bag a little tighter when a less-affluently-dressed person comes close to me. Or flashing a brighter smile to the person who looks like a million dollars. What’s worse, is I don’t have to think about it; it just happens. Almost as though it is engrained in my DNA to act that way.  Which is terrible!  Especially when I consider what else it says in James . . .

If you really keep the royal law found in Scripture, “Love your neighbour as yourself,” you are doing right.  But if you show favouritism, you sin and are convicted by the law as lawbreakers.”  

James 2:8-9 NIV

I am now aware that I can be like that cabinet minister — making people feel unworthy, rejected and shunned. Or, like the doorman, I can make people feel valued, welcome and appreciated; no matter how they look, dress, speak, where they live, or what they drive. 

The choice is in my hands!

We should see people through God’s eyes — precious, worthy, accepted, and loved. Loved enough for Jesus to die for their sins. We should treat all people well so that those around us begin to see a difference in the way we live. Then, it becomes easier to introduce them to Jesus! 

Pray with me . . . “Lord, help me to love like Jesus.”    

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Tender-loving Care 

A few days ago, I had a really bad day.  It was as though the day had conspired to serve me a healthy dose of frustration and annoyance! 

Needless to say, by the end of the day, I was exasperated. Actually, the more accurate thing to say is that I was extremely annoyed at God for allowing me to be on the receiving end of what I thought was undeserved.    

So at bedtime, I told the Lord that I could not believe He would let me have such a day, and for that reason I would not be saying my daily pre-bedtime prayer. (What irony to be talking to Him, while saying I will not pray!) It took a while to fall asleep, but I eventually did. 

Only for my sleep to disappear a couple of hours later! 

Now, I instantly knew that the Lord had woken me up so we could “discuss” the matter. But, I was still feeling let down by Him and was unwilling to discuss the day. After all, from where I stood, it was Him who had allowed so much to go south!  I told Him this was how I was feeling and that I wouldn’t be sitting up so we could have a chat. (For the record—I don’t recommend you do this!) 

Shortly after, I began to feel a soothing in my heart. The pain and anger I was feeling began to melt away. I knew what was happening because this is how the Lord responds whenever I go to Him asking Him to heal my emotions because someone has hurt me (and I don’t want to slip into resentment or bitterness).

A moment or so later, the anger and (pain of) betrayal I felt was gone. Totally lifted! 

And just like that—in the unlikeliest of situations—the Lord expressed His tender love and care towards me. What surprises me the most, however, is that He soothed my heart on a day that my anger was directed at Him, and that He did this without me asking.  

His act of tenderness has stayed with me and it brings two things to mind. First, is the description Jesus gave of our Father in heaven going in search of a lost sheep and carrying it in His arms when it is found (Luke 15:5–6). Second is the psalm that describes God’s compassion . . . 


“Praise the LORD, my soul; all my inmost being praise his holy name . . . who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion . . . The LORD is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in love . . . he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities . . . As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him . . . “ 
Psalm 103:4  NIV

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The Forgotten Day

We have officially got into our rainy season here, and the grey weather has crept into my life. These past couple of weeks have been turbulent for me. Actually, it’s probably more accurate to say these past couple of months! Some days I feel like I’ve been tossed into a raging sea. Before I can come up for air and breathe, I find myself tossed about again. It’s been very uncomfortable! All this while trying my best not to re-join the waltz! 

I’ve observed and learnt a few things that I’d like to share . . .

The big lesson is that I must learn to watch my thoughts. Self-control doesn’t just apply to physical appetites or throwing about careless words. Self control also applies to the thoughts I allow to take up residence in my mind. I’m learning that no matter what’s going on with me, I must monitor my thoughts so that they don’t lead me down a dark rabbit hole. Some of the thoughts I must kick out include “Why me, Lord? Why is this happening to me?,” or “Why aren’t You answering my prayers, Lord?,” and any other thought that accuses God of being unkind. I’m (doing my best) to be like Job and remind myself that I should be ready to accept both good and bad from God. Hoping that somewhere down the line the turmoil will end, and I’ll see what God was working out. Like it says in Hebrews 12, God disciplines/trains those He loves through hardship, and

"No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.” 
Hebrews 12:11 NIV

So now, when I chat with the Lord, I ask Him to show me what He is working in me and for me. I ask Him to teach me to persevere through, and not around the situation. 

This week I’ve also spent lots of time on one of my favourite ways to soothe my soul . . . listening to the great old-time hymns. I’ve found much comfort in singing along as I do my daily tasks. It has been so helpful! And led me to stumble upon an observation . . .

As I listen, I cannot help but think that we, believers in Jesus today, have lost part of the hope we have in Jesus. What do I mean? Well, a great majority of the hymns mention life with Jesus in eternity. And life with Jesus forever isn’t something that we hear taught or discussed much these days. It is almost becoming a forgotten day. Yet we are told that His return should be something we use to encourage one another . . . 

"And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching." 
Hebrews 10:24—25 NIV

One of the graces that God has given us is the gift of knowing that our time on earth is brief, and therefore there will be an end to our suffering and troubles. We also have the promise that Jesus will come for us so we can be with Him forever. I suspect that if we reminded each other of this fact often, then we would be encouraged to persevere through seasons of discipline/hardship. We might also be discouraged from the endless pursuit and hoarding of wealth.

This has certainly been my experience this week as I listen to the hymns. The hope that I will receive a new nature that isn’t prone to sin, and be with God forever has been renewed in me. I’m hoping that as I continue to listen to the hymns, that I’ll get to the point where this hope is so alive in me that I can brush off things that would ordinarily annoy me or cause me to complain. Because I know that in comparison to eternity, these things are a meaningless “vapour.” I really would love for this to be true for me! 

"For the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people.  It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, while we wait for the blessed hope — the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ," 
Titus 2: 11—13 NIV

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I Can’t, But God Can!

This is part two of a previous post, which you can catch here.

Back to 1 Samuel 20 . . . Jonathan could have been content in the knowledge that he was next in line to be king, and sided with his father, King Saul, about harming David. Jonathan was after all the one set to benefit most if David was out of the way. But Jonathan chose to do what is right—he told his father that his treatment of David was unfair, and then he advised David to flee. Jonathan acted righteously! 

What came to mind at the end of this story was every-day situations that we face. For example, how many of us see our mothers mistreat our sisters-in-law and say nothing? How many of us are hesitant to warmly welcome our brother’s wife into the family? How many of us see our brothers or husbands speak hurtfully to children and say nothing? How many of us treat some children in the family better than others? Or distinguish between how we treat children from the city and those from the village? How many of us listen in silence while one friend gossips about another? Or, how many of us are unwilling to care for an ageing parent who neglected/abandoned us as children? A whole number of day-to-day situations flashed through my mind, and I confess that I have certainly not always acted righteously. There is massive room for me to change my outlook and constantly ask myself, “how would I want to be treated in this situation?” Plus learn to speak up in love and not judgement . . . 

It feels like a enormous change is required, and I know that I certainly cannot do it on my own. Which is why I am so grateful that when I confess my sin to God, He is faithful to forgive me and forget my sin (1 John 1:9). Then I can go ahead and ask Him to give me the grace to love people . . . because I acknowledge that I cannot do this in my own effort.

“For it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfil his good purpose.” 
Philippians 2:13 NIV

Isn’t it wonderful that we serve a God who gives us His Spirit to work in us so we are able to do the things He desires and asks of us? Especially so for the things that we cannot do on our own?

Thank You, Jesus! ❤️

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I Already Know This, Or Do I?

I’m doing some research and needed to understand what the word “righteous” really means. And, I wanted to get it in a way that I could explain it to a child.

It’s a word that we use rather often . . . especially if you are in the habit of reading the Bible. Perhaps, like me, you are in the habit of reminding yourself what the Bible says:

“God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.”
1 Cor 5:21 NIV

Which is why I was doing my study from an “I already know what this means” perspective. I was truly shocked to realise I knew little about what it means to be righteous. And now that I think about it, I can’t quite explain what I thought it meant before. I think it was an abstract concept in my mind—something along the lines of doing what God or the Bible says. Which in itself isn’t wrong, but extremely general in meaning. 

I dove into chapter twenty of 1 Samuel. The story of Jonathan and David coming up with a plan to verify whether King Saul really intended to kill David. And here’s what I learnt: whereas before I would have stated that Jonathan was simply a good friend, now I see that in this instance, he acted in righteousness. 

Before I tell you why I think this, let me tell you what I’ve concluded is the meaning of righteous: it is the ability to do right, or treat others right. You know like what Jesus said in the Golden Rule, “do to others as you would have them do to you . . . ” (Matthew 7:12). And, righteous actions flow out of the love inside you. The brotherly (or sisterly!) kind of love where you want what’s best for the other person. 

Can you imagine what it would be like if we, followers of Jesus, treated people right? Can you imagine how easy it would be to share the gospel? 

Lord, help us! Fill our hearts with Your love, and give us the grace to treat others how we would like to be treated.

Look out for part two . . .  

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Best Discovery Ever

Here to testify has brought back memories of my early days as a follower of Jesus. And how friendship with Jesus is the best thing that has ever happened to me. 

You see, back then, I lived in my head. I was constantly worrying what people thought of me, and wondering whether they liked me. My family background made me feel unlikeable. Which made it incredibly important for me to please others and, even more so, to fit in. One of the key things I did to fit in was to become a party girl. 

In my late twenties I lost my job due to downsizing. It dawned on me then that my friends were not genuine friends, because they didn’t seek me out much when I could no longer afford to hit the clubs with them. This got me thinking that I needed new friends, and I went ahead to pen a prayer in my journal asking God for new friends. 

Not too long after, I  made a few new friends. One of them invited me to join her at a certain weekly Bible study. I’m not sure why I said yes, but I suspect it was partly because I was worried what she would think if I refused to go with her. A few months into the Bible study, I leant something I did not know about God. I discovered that being saved wasn’t about God giving us rules to follow, but about friendship with Him. A friendship that God offers as a free gift. So quietly, one evening alone in my flat, I told God that I wanted this free gift. 

Here I am about fifteen or so years later, and I love the fact that I can talk to God about anything, anytime. Which means I now spend less time worrying. Plus, I’ve learnt that God created me perfectly just as I am and I don’t need to please others to fit in. I can be myself, and because God loves me, I don’t need to be consumed by thoughts of whether people like me.

I’m certain that without this discovery and my friendship with God, I’d be a worry-wart and aimlessly seeking approval from others.  


"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works, so that no one can boast." 
Ephesians 2:8—9 NIV
"I thank you because I am awesomely made,
wonderfully; your works are wonders —
I know this very well."
Psalm 139:14 CJB

Thank You, Jesus, for Your friendship! ❤️

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Here to Testify

The other day I was reminded of something that God did for me many years ago . . . But before I tell you what He did, let me give you some context.

There was a time in my life when I was in and out of the doctor’s over seemingly regular symptoms. The symptoms got worse in my thirties, and I eventually discovered I had an autoimmune disease. I didn’t think much of it because I figured I could manage it by avoiding certain foods. What I didn’t know is that the “thing” poisoning my body was found in almost every food, and extremely difficult to avoid. 

A few days after my 39th birthday, I got much sicker than usual, and drove to the emergency room at night. I told the doctors about the autoimmune condition but they didn’t know much about it. It’s one of those diseases that is generally uncommon here in Africa. I was given a one-month prescription to address the symptoms, and I began the treatment immediately. On the second day, I started to get worse. A bit of research led me to discover that the “thing” poisoning my body was an ingredient in the prescribed medicine. I made this discovery on a Saturday night. I was completely baffled about what to do!

The following day—Sunday—I woke up feeling worse than before I went to hospital. As I prayed that morning, I told God that this disease was going to kill me. Then I went on to tell Him that despite how I was feeling, I would drag myself to church expecting that He would turn the Sunday service into a healing service. 

I got to church and in the middle of the service, the Senior Pastor (who wasn’t leading the service that day) got up and said, ” I hear God say that today is a healing day. If you have an incurable disease, please stand up.” I still remember his exact words! At first I wasn’t sure I had heard the right thing so I stayed seated. He repeated it and this time I stood up. Two other people in the congregation also responded.

He told the people seating next to us to lay their hands on us. Adding that God would use their hands to heal. The Senior Pastor said a prayer and we sat down. As the service went on, I heard a gentle voice say that I shouldn’t take my medicine any more. I went home and didn’t tell anyone what had happened. But I stopped taking the medicine.

A couple of months later I told God that I would start eating the food that poisoned me before. And I added that this would be a test of whether the condition was really gone. (Where was my faith?) After months of testing, I found that those things did not trouble my body any more. That was over ten years ago.

If I did not have a friendship with Jesus in which I was free to boldly ask for healing, I would either be long dead or spending a majority of my time and money in hospital. But because of God’s mercy and grace towards me, I am here today to testify!

To God be the glory!




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City On a Hill

A few years ago I got to go on a tour of the Holy Land. The trip unexpectedly came together at the very last minute, long after I had given up all hope of joining that particular tour. As I write this I am reminded how God often works things out at the eleventh hour! If you’re a Kenyan, then you know how we are a nation of “last-minuters”— it must be the one character trait of God that we bear collectively!

Then, yesterday my bible reading took me to a verse that always reminds me of this tour . . . 

As our bus made its descent into Jerusalem, a cluster of houses suddenly jumped out at me. There was nothing fancy about their architecture—they were entirely ordinary—yet something made them stand out.

The houses were extremely conspicuous. Impossible to miss! 

You probably can’t tell from this blurry photo taken from a moving bus . . . but the houses were perched right on the side of a hill.  And the moment I saw them, a specific verse instantly popped into my mind: 

“You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden." Matthew 5:14 NIV

And I instantly knew that the Holy Spirit was telling me that as a follower of Jesus, my life should be so different that I stand out wherever I am. Not in a snobbish, judgmental kind of way. But in an “I do things differently” kind of way. 

For instance, when there is heavy traffic—one of my absolute pet peeves—do I stay in my lane, or do I overlap like everyone else? When a friend or family member confides that money is tight, do I just offer a sympathetic “it’ll be okay,” or do I actually share what I have? When a conversation takes a turn down the “juicy gossip” route, do I jump in and contribute or stay silent?  And when someone trusts me with a prayer request do I repeat it under the guise of “sharing the burden” or do I keep the matter strictly between the Lord and me? 

Very often we associate being different with the more obvious things such as our dressing, how much we indulge in alcohol, whether we are keeping our bodies pure. But it goes much deeper than this. My everyday choices should continually reflect that I am different because I allow the Holy Spirit to guide my words and actions. 

 So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want. 
Galatians 5:16—17 NIV

Lord, help us to be like a city on a hill!