Month: October 2023

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Conformed or Transformed 2

Remember how I almost got married a decade ago in a bid to conform to society’s expectations? If you haven’t read part 1, start here. All caught up? Let’s continue . . .

Oddly, despite making the decision to soldier on, I continued to say a prayer that went something like — “Lord, if this guy is not the one for me, please remove him from my heart and life. Don’t let me make a mistake.” Strange, yes? God, in His mercy, answered. One day I felt something like scales fall off my eyes and simultaneously had a series of flashbacks of all the red flags I was ignoring. And boy, were they many! I saw the entirety of our dating life from a crystal-clear perspective. It was like watching a movie of someone else about to make a colossal mistake. That day, I knew I could not go ahead with the wedding. So, I called off the next visit in our cultural process. Actually, truth be told, I didn’t have the courage to outright cancel it. I instead postponed the date, without offering a new date. He knew something was wrong, but he did not make a fuss. But (and again I shake my head) I continued to date him. I didn’t have the courage to leave. He had not been unfaithful, or abusive, or any other majorly negative thing. I continually asked myself, “In what universe does a 30-something-year-old-girl call off an engagement yet the guy is faithful and honourable? What will people say?” I kept this up for perhaps a year. All the while praying for God to remove him from my heart and life. Again, like I said, God in His mercy answered my prayer. He gave me both the courage and opportunity to call it off. God even ensured my dad had my back because dad told me that it should not matter what people think of me, only that I was making the right decision. So, I called off the engagement.

I thought the shame and pain would kill me. But God! God is so faithful! I did not cry once after I called it off. Instead, I felt relieved and joyful and eager to see what God had in store for my future. I also thought He had a husband waiting right around the corner; but that’s a story for another day.  

Now that I am older, and slightly more mature in my faith, I understand that marriage should represent the love Jesus has for His bride/the church . . . it isn’t something to be taken lightly. It certainly was madness for me to want to get married just because I was getting old. At only 33! Ha! 

Like I said in part 1, I am now 43. Knowing what marriage symbolises, makes me want to go into it for the right reason, and with every intention of honouring my vows.

Some days I despair about whether it will happen. 

But then, even if I never get married, it doesn’t diminish my worth, or my love for Jesus!  I’d much rather keep being transformed than conform to society’s expectations.

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Goody Two-Shoes, or Born Again?

Goody goody. Remember that snack? Hmmm . . . what a pleasant memory! If you grew up at the same time I did, there was this totally yummy chocolate called ‘goody goody.’ Those were the days! Even a mental image of the goody goody wrapper brings a smile to my face. 

But enough of my childhood memories! 

On to today’s matter. Are you a goody two-shoes, or a born-again Christian . . . 

So, goody two-shoes describes a person who always wants to do what’s right. I used to be a goody two-shoes. Always striving to be well behaved; to make the right choices and say the right thing. My motivation for being a goody two-shoes was to get people to like me. I figured that if I was obedient, courteous, docile, and agreeable then people would think I am a nice person. I guess you could say I was looking for acceptance from people.  

Then, there were other times that I just wanted to do what is right, because I was brought up that way. For instance, when I started my own business, there was an economic standstill due to political issues in the country. A friend introduced me to a board member at an organisation with offices country wide. This board member offered to make sure I won a tender that was yet to be advertised. All I had to do was inflate my quotation to include a handsome cut for him. To my friend’s surprise, I declined the opportunity. A small part of me wondered what I was doing, given the (harsh) economic situation at the time; but I knew I had made the right choice. My confidence in my choice was based on lessons from my dad as I was growing up. My decision had nothing to do with representing Jesus at work. At the time, I believed it was sufficient to do the right thing. I was simply a goody two-shoes.

More than that, I thought God was pleased with me for being well-behaved and making ethical choices at work. I even thought I was better off than some of the born-again people I knew, who did things I disapproved of! What I didn’t realise is I was still a sinner in God’s eyes, despite being a goody two-shoes. How come? Well, because all of us have sinned and fallen short of God’s glory (Romans 3:23). As you can imagine, I was rather surprised when I learnt this! What with all the effort I made to have people like me and accept me, I was nowhere close to being accepted by God!

Now, this realisation created some turmoil in me because I did not want to be ‘one of those saved people.’ Bit by bit, however, I became conscious that the only solution in God’s eyes was to be born again. I began to grasp that because of Jesus, God treats us much better than we deserve, by freely accepting us and setting us free from our sins (Romans 3:24).

How about you? Does doing the right thing rank highly for you? Do you like to be courteous and speak to others nicely? Do you believe in treating others fairly? Perhaps, like many Kenyans, you’ve perfected the art of throwing in an ‘amen’ here and a ‘praise God’ there? Well, . . . these are all good-to-do, but they don’t get you into God’s good book (also known as the Book of Life).

So, don’t just be a goody two-shoes. Be born again! Ama?

PS: If you are not sure that you are born again or you want to be born again, let’s chat some more on ‘precioushonouredloved@gmail.com’

 

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A Most Unlikely Teacher

Yesterday, I planted my first flower. Yes, yes, it’s okay to be surprised that this 1970-something born girl hasn’t planted anything before. I am a city kid and paid no attention whatsoever to any agriculture/farming lessons in school. So much so that, when I got to Form 1 and we were allowed to drop subjects, it was absolutely clear that agriculture would be the first subject to go!

Now that I am older (and wiser), I am reconsidering my attitude towards farming and gardening. Hence, the flower was my first attempt to learn a new skill. As I covered up the roots with soil, I found myself harbouring an unexpected thought. You see, my intention was to prepare the area for planting, set the flower in place, restore the area with soil, clean my hands and continue with my day. But this unforeseen thought took my mind hostage. I found myself feeling some sort of connection to the plant and wanting to see it thrive. I admit, part of this feeling was so I could say my attempt at gardening was successful. However, I also genuinely wanted to see the plant develop well.

As I often do, I shared this thought with the Lord; asking Him to let the plant grow well. At which point I sensed the Lord say to me, “If you care for the welfare of this plant, how much more do I, Your Creator, care about your well-being, my child?”

At that instant, a portion of Matthew 6 flashed through my mind:

“And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendour was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you— you of little faith?

Matthew 6:28-30 NIV

See, I’m currently in a season where the business environment isn’t as healthy as it could be (thanks to the post-COVID-19 effects). Many companies have been forced to scrap their training budget, which means there is less work available for me. So, there have been moments when I’ve been anxious about provision. See why the Lord used my initial attempt at gardening to teach me a lesson? He sure doesn’t waste any opportunities!

And, while I am trusting Him to provide for me, I should simply do what the well known Sunday School song taught us – “Why worry, when you can pray . . . ”

(Sing along with me, won’t you?)