Today I invite you to take a trip with me down memory lane . . . first to my childhood, then to my early twenties! Come along with me, won’t you?
For as long as I can remember, I wanted people to like me. I sought approval. Not to mention that I worried about everything. My guess is that this attitude came from my father leaving when I was a just a toddler. Somewhere in my little soul, I must have felt unloved because my mum was busy navigating her new life as a single parent while caring for my almost newborn sibling. Every time I think about my younger self, my heart goes out to that little girl . . . she had to navigate complex issues at such a tender age.
So here I was, wanting people to like me and ready to try almost anything to “fit in.” As you can imagine, I found myself in places that I shouldn’t have been, and with friends that weren’t the best company for me. This is pretty much how I lived. That is, until somewhere in my mid-twenties when the company I worked for quietly decided to close down their Kenya office. I lost my job when they gradually started laying off people.
And you know what? With the job went many of my friends! As you can imagine, my worries doubled! Actually, they more like quadrupled! In my seemingly endless spare time, I began to find comfort in writing prayers asking God to get me a new job and new friends (who would like me, of-course). I believed in God; which is why I penned the prayers. I also wanted to have a meaningful relationship with God. But, I worried that I couldn’t obey all His commandments, and I was unwilling to commit to rules I knew I couldn’t keep. Neither did I want to give up things I was doing that He didn’t like; and they were many!
At about this time, I made a new friend and she invited me to a women’s gathering; which turned out to be a Bible study. Then, one day, while I was at this Bible study, I discovered something completely new that I had never heard before:
"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works, so that no one can boast."
Ephesians 2:8–9 NIV
I was surprised to discover that a relationship with God is a gift He gives, and not a set of rules to follow. So, quietly, at home, on my own, I told God that I wanted to accept His gift of salvation, and have a relationship with Him.
That was quite a while back. Since then, I’ve learnt to pray about everything; and I mean everything! Rather than worry endlessly about all manner of things, I pray. Also, because I now know that God loves me as I am, I’m healing from the need to have people’s approval. Which means I am free to be myself because I’m not doing or saying things to get anyone to like me. (And no–I’m not going around saying mean things or acting irresponsibly!) It’s so refreshing to just be myself!
Oh! And God did give me new friends and a new job.
In fact, as I write this, I am reminded that God works all things together for the good of His children. What started off as unemployment brought me salvation, new friends, and an entirely new and unexpected career.
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."
Romans 8:28 NIV
Isn’t God wonderful? ❤️