There is a time when the vet came by to see our cat. And cats . . . you know how smart they can be . . . she instantly knew that this wasn’t a visitor to be friendly with. What did she do? She hid somewhere we could’t reach! The vet figured out a way to get into her hiding place and she quickly dashed away. The thirty or so minutes that followed consisted of the vet and cat playing hide and seek. Every time the vet got close to catching her, she would scurry off again!
Her scurrying about reminded me of a time when my mind was like the cat. Whenever someone got into a long conversation with me, my thoughts would zoom off into all directions, except in the direction of that particular conversation. I could tell it was happening, but I had a knack for being able to track both my thoughts and the conversation so I did nothing to rein in my thoughts.
That is until one day my younger sister called me out. She said she knew that I don’t really pay attention when she speaks. Then she added that what frustrated her is not that I don’t listen, but that I’m somehow able to repeat what she was saying, even though she knew I wasn’t being attentive. The wounded look on her made me want to fix my behaviour because I didn’t want to continue hurting her.
This conversation with her began my attempts to rein in my mind. I had to practise telling my thoughts to come back to the conversation. Over and over until I became a more present listener.
That is until recently when I began to notice that while I’m present with people, I was not present when reading the Bible. Sometimes I’d read a verse and would not be able to remember what it was about. I was reading, but my mind was all over the place. Thinking about all sorts of things. Often they would be things that I am trying to figure out.
You see, I’m in the most challenging season I have ever gone through. I have assurance that God will get me through (you can read a bit more here) but it is taking way longer than I thought it would. So I find that anxiety is attempting to settle in. While I read the Bible, my eyes are on the words, but my mind is going through all the things that I need to do, or all the things I’m afraid will not work out. My mind replays scenarios of how certain matters might play out. Other times, my mind is searching through my past to identify the big sin I committed to deserve being in this season.
Last week I remembered my experience with my sister and identified that I was doing the same thing to the Lord. Physically present, but mentally absent. How hurt God must be . . . even now, just thinking about how I have wounded Him brings tears to my eyes.
So I have to again get myself into the habit of telling my thoughts, “Come back here, you!” while asking the Lord for help at the same time.
“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”
1 Peter 5:7 NIV
“Cast your cares on the Lord
and he will sustain you;
he will never let
the righteous be shaken.”
Psalm 55:22 NIV
Come back here, you! The Lord is in control.
❤️ PHL