Hello! It’s been quite a while since I was on these streets. How have you been?
I have had a lot going on with me and around me.
Please share, I hear you say! Okay, okay, here goes . . .
I’ll start with what has been going on around me. And by around me I mean mostly not in my heart or mind.
My father retired. Rather, he was unwillingly retired because he had hit the mandatory retirement age. And with that came depression. He had gone from being a workaholic to waking up and having nowhere to go, and nothing to do. Then the depression turned into memory lapses, and rapidly deteriorated into dementia. So my siblings and I moved him so he could live closer to us. Being the only one who can be easily uprooted, I moved into the new flat with him (thanks to having no family of my own! I never thought that the day would come when that was an advantage. Ha!).
Meanwhile, as I prayed concerning my father, I so clearly sensed the Lord say that my dad’s issue wasn’t dementia but sadness/depression. And prior to retirement or dad’s issues manifesting, I had received a vision of my dad speaking at a church. Now — my dad is opposed to all things religion or God . . . and even more opposed to the fake “born-again types” (how he refers to us believers!). So to see him in church, speaking, was to me absolute confirmation that the day would come when he would say yes to Jesus. And when the dementia symptoms started to show up, it was an indication to me that the symptoms would be reversed because to accept Jesus, he would need to have a sound mind.
Yet, knowing all this, it’s been really difficult handling the symptoms. I’ve been on an emotional rollercoaster since day 1 of moving in with him. Every day I wake up hoping that today is the day I see dad restored, and as at last evening, that day hadn’t come. (I will add yet because I am certain the day will come!)
Every morning as I wonder how I will handle the day’s disappointment if there is no change in dad, I am discovering that the Lord is faithful even when He seems to be far off. Every day He has given me a word or a song that keeps me going for the day.
The song that is on repeat in my mind currently is the great old hymn “Great is Thy Faithfulness!” If you’ve read The Forgotten Day, you know how I love those old-time hymns.
Great is Thy faithfulness!
Great is Thy faithfulness!
Morning by morning new mercies I see:
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided—
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me!
The part that’s really struck a chord with me this week is “morning by morning new mercies I see.” Which of course is taken from:
"Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,
For his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness."
Lamentations 3:22–23 NIV
Nobody warns you of the challenges that come with caring for an ailing/ageing parent, or the valleys that one must go through before God’s promise is fulfilled. Not even reading about Joseph & his prison adventures is preparation enough! . . . But this one thing is for sure — God is faithful and He supplies the comfort, mercy, encouragement, peace, or grace that you need for that day. Because He alone knows where your heart is at, or what the day will bring. So when you find yourself on an emotional rollercoaster, that’s the time to cling to Him even more.
Every. Day.
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