Author: 2phl

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Blameless!

Today I’d like to write about a matter that’s very dear to my heart. 

If you’ve read this post, you’ll know that somewhere in my past, I cancelled a wedding. My wedding, that is! What you don’t know is that I haven’t dated anyone since. Initially I was so excited about the Lord saving me from getting into a marriage that would cause me grief, that I didn’t care about dating again. I was happy to wait for the Lord to bring the right guy, at the right time. Then the years turned into a decade, and I began to despair.  If you’re African, you know the value that our society places on having children and keeping the family name going. You might even have an aunty (or more!) who talk to you incessantly about having children!

Well … now that I’m getting closer to 50, nobody asks about children any more. To them, it’s too late, so they don’t bother! Which, when I think about it, is good since I despair enough on my own and certainly have no need for external sources of despair on the matter. But what comes along with the despair that many are unaware of, is the shame of being single and childless at this age. Our society can be harsh and unforgiving toward people in my situation. If I were to measure the weight of the shame I (and others) carry, it would break the scale. 

With the shame comes questions ranging from “what’s wrong with me that I’m single and childless?” to “what sin is God punishing me for?” Once in a while, the question “am I under a generational curse?” also pops up. 

On the flip side, I ask myself … if the Lord were to give me children now, would I have the energy to raise them? Wouldn’t having children at this age bring more shame because I’m having children when my peers are having grandchildren? As you can see, the word “shame” appears a lot. I suppose that’s part of our African context and culture. 

But recently I was reading the Bible and saw something that I’d not noticed before: 

“In the time of Herod king of Judea there was a priest named Zechariah, who belonged to the priestly division of Abijah; his wife Elizabeth was also a descendant of Aaron.  Both of them were righteous in the sight of God, observing all the Lord’s commands and decrees blamelessly.  But they were childless because Elizabeth was not able to conceive, and they were both very old  
Luke 1:5—7 (NIV)

Did you see it? Elizabeth and Zechariah were old, and childless, but blameless in God’s sight! For me, that totally nullified the “what sin is God punishing me for?” or “generational curses” questions. These verses have provided great comfort and encouragement since! 

I still have days when I wish my life was different in regard to having a husband and children, but then I also know that to follow Jesus means that like Him, I have to be willing to carry my cross. And if this — keeping my body pure — is the cross I have to carry as I follow Jesus, then so be it! 

So to all the single ladies out there who are staying pure for Jesus’s sake, may God give you the strength and joy to keep going. To all the married ladies who are staying faithful to their husbands by not having a child with another man and passing this child off as his, may God richly bless you! Lastly, to all the husbands, who like Zechariah remain committed to their wives despite having no children, may God show Himself faithful and hear your prayers! 

No matter what your situation, stay close to Jesus because in Him you are blameless!

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Stopping the Waltz

About a half year ago I shared what it was like for me to change career (you can catch up with that story here ) It’s been almost a year now since the career change, and I figured that an update is due. 

First, unlike what I was doing before, I find that my work now has significance. Actually, I’m currently reading Ecclesiastes and the “Teacher” might disagree with that sentiment! All the same, let me explain — I can see how what I do now has potential to positively impact individuals,  and bring about the sort of society God would like to see. This is much unlike my previous career where my efforts went towards helping increase efficiency and company profits. Speaking of efficiency … have you seen the suggestion to have a 120hr work-week? Drop a comment and let me know how you feel about that. 

Where was I before that detour . . .? Ah! Updates . . .

The second update is that I’m still struggling with the lower income. So I find myself swinging like a pendulum; on the one hand, I’m relaxed and trust that “the Lord is my Shepherd, and I have all that I need” then I swing to the opposite extreme of panic and wracking my brain looking for ways to supplement my income. While on this end of the pendulum, I tell the Lord that if He gave me just a little more income, then I could spend less time talking to Him about my needs, and more time praying for situations and people; which is way more productive than focusing on myself. (The Lord must smile and shake His head at that “piece of advice” I have been giving Him. )

A few days ago, while on the trusting God end of the pendulum, I shared this Bible verse with a few friends:  

“For I am the Lord your God 
who takes hold of your right hand 
and says to you, Do not fear;  I will help you. " 
Isaiah 41:13 (NIV)

The first person to respond was a friend who has built a thriving business overseas. Allow me to spare you the details, but trust me when I say he has an “extremely healthy bank account.” In his message to me, he said that he was really in need of God’s help and that the Lord had prompted me to share that particular verse with him. As he received reassurance from the Lord, I simultaneously received correction from the Lord.  See, in the past year I’ve wrongly assumed that having “just a little more money” would settle my heart and restore peace. But this friend’s response told me that I was very mistaken. 

Peace can only come from God. No amount of money can give me the security that I seek. Only God can.

It also made me realise that I’ve been waltzing with fear, and allowing fear to lead the dance. So I have made a choice to walk away from the waltz, and trust that God is holding my hand and taking care of me. 

I should also add that despite my worries and persistent request for “just a little more,” God has actually been faithful throughout the year, and I have not lacked a single thing! So really, my lack of faith has had no basis, and is totally misplaced! 

“In you, Lord my God, I put my trust.”
Psalm 25:1 (NIV)

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By Your Truth

Remember how I got started on reading triple the word? (If not, you can click on the link) 

I thought I should share a quick update on how that’s going. 

This morning as I was having my morning chat with the Lord and acknowledging His grace in freeing me from holding onto an offence that I just couldn’t shake off no matter what, a verse dropped into my heart.

Before I share the verse, allow me to give you some background on the offence . . . since the year 2020, a young lady I had helped raise, began to increasingly speak to me with anger and disrespect. Her attitude got so bad that in 2022 she said the worst thing anyone has ever said to me. Her mother was with us at the time, and she made no effort to correct her daughter. Mark you, her mother is close to two decades older than me. I was very hurt and angry. I kept thinking “after all my time and effort in caring for her since she was a child this is how she treats me? And her mother is silent about it!” As I’ve since learnt, offence comes with the entitled attitude that “I deserve to be treated better because of what I have done for them.” 

Despite my entitled attitude, I knew the offence I was harbouring in my heart was wrong and not pleasing to God. Yet, no matter how much I prayed, the offence wouldn’t go away. I couldn’t get myself to say anything other than hello to the young lady. Which in turn made me feel terrible that I was not being a good ambassador of Christ. 

This tug-of-war ⏤ wanting to feel and act better, but instead holding on to the offence and being unable to speak to her ⏤ raged on and on. And doesn’t the Bible so aptly describe this struggle . . . 

“For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!”
Romans 7:22 —25 (NIV)

But this Christmas season, I was pleasantly surprised to discover that the anger was no longer there. I could actually speak to her without an inner struggle! My deliverance from God had come through without me even realising it! This deliverance is what I was thanking the Lord for this morning when this verse dropped into my heart . . .

“Sanctify them by the truth; your word is truth.”
John 17:17 (NIV)

And it quickly dawned on me that one of the things that had happened as I spent more time in God’s Word was that He was sanctifying me. The offence had been cleaned out — swept away just like that! See how powerful God’s word is?

As we usher in the new year, I pray that in 2025 you would purpose to spend more time in God’s word, so He can sanctify you by His truth!  

Happy New Year and God bless you!  

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Gifts & Scars

Do you have a special Christmas Day tradition? Our family tradition since I was a child has been to gather together as the extended family to enjoy some nyama choma (roast meat). We used to get together at my grandparents’ place, but now we rotate venue between my siblings and me.  And this year’s Christmas get together was held at our place. 

My big concern as the day drew closer was on the preparation and post-cleanup. You know what it’s like when everyone leaves, and you have to deal with a sink overflowing with dirty dishes, an unclean floor, and messy living room? I’m happy to report that the Lord graciously gave strength and enthusiasm for all this. So much so that on the 26th of December, I was nowhere near as tired as I expected to be. All glory to God! 

Speaking of the 26th, a friend sent a belated Christmas card that mentioned cherished Christmas memories. As I read the card, my heart sank a little. It sank because I couldn’t help but wish that I had recent Christmas memories that I could treasure. You see, since I turned away from celebrating Christmas as a non-believer, to celebrating Christmas with understanding that it’s all about Jesus, I seem to end up with Christmas scars instead of gifts. I cannot remember the last time I had pleasant memories from Christmas Day. 

There seems to always be that one family member who is out to inflict pain or elicit offence in me, unprovoked. And I must confess that I have sometimes responded in ways that I’m not proud of. Which then makes me feel terrible because I know that I am not being the best representative of Christ, and yet my (many) unbelieving family members need to see the gospel in action.

As I reflect on this Christmas, I am reminded of God’s kindness to us in giving us His righteousness purely by His grace, and through faith. I am a child of God, and have eternal life because Jesus bore our sins, and I believe that He covered over all my sin. I am not born again because I do or say the right things. Isn’t this wonderful? I never tire of hearing this good news! 

“for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.” 
Romans 3:23—24 (NIV)

So, if you picked up a scar yesterday, or perhaps inflicted the scars, take heart! Your righteousness is a free gift from God. You didn’t earn it, and at your request, God is willing to help you become more and more like Jesus, and heal your scars. 

However, if you haven’t received this free gift yet, all you have to do is ask!

What good news!  

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Watch!

In the past few days, interesting content has popped onto my YouTube feed. I say interesting because these videos have spoken about Jesus’s return, and some of them have gone ahead to suggest roughly what year that will be. Before you roll your eyes and dismiss this post with “nobody knows the day or the hour,” (which, like you, I believe!) hear me out. 

As I watched the videos, and heard how close to the current year (2024) that these predictions are, I found myself wondering . . . what if they’re right, and Jesus’s return is that near? Am I watching out for the signs He said would precede His return? Am I being a wise and faithful servant? Am I living in the way that Jesus said I should live? Am I pursuing the things of the world, or am I pursuing things related to the Kingdom of Heaven? Am I living as though His return is a far-off event, and putting myself at risk of being caught unaware when He comes back? Will I be one of the wise or foolish virgins on His return? 

Weighty questions! And I find myself sighing as I share these thoughts because I can’t say that I am living as one who is aware that the King is coming soon. 

“Therefore keep watch because you do not know when the owner of the house will come back—whether in the evening, or at midnight, or when the rooster crows, or at dawn. If he comes suddenly, do not let him find you sleeping. What I say to you, I say to everyone: ‘Watch!’”
Mark 13:35–37 (NIV)

So in addition to the new actions I purposed to take recently, I include a new prayer, 

“Our Father and our God, only You know when Jesus’s return is. I am not living in a way that has my focus on Your Kingdom and being found ready. There are so many distractions all around me! So many things for me to pursue so I can survive here. I need Your power and strength to stay awake and do the things that Jesus said I should be doing. I would like to be found ready on Jesus’s return. Help me, Lord.  Do a new thing in me and change my heart’s desires.  I ask in the name of Jesus.”


I am encouraged to know that God answers all prayers that are according to His will, so He will prepare me. He will prepare you too, if you ask Him. Consider praying the above prayer. 

To him who is able to keep you from stumbling and to present you before his glorious presence without fault and with great joy— to the only God our Savior be glory, majesty, power and authority, through Jesus Christ our Lord, before all ages, now and forevermore! Amen.
Jude 1:24 (NIV)
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New Actions

This is part three of a previous post. Catch up with part 1 and part 2 before you dive into this.

Knowing that the Lord was waiting on me, I decided to take action and do two things differently. 

First, rather than pray “please end this and take me back home,” I will instead ask for strength to go through the challenge. 

Second, I will spend 30min every morning praying and meditating on Ephesians 3:16, asking for His strength. My desire is that the Lord would strengthen me with power so Jesus will dwell firmly in my heart, and so I will know with all my heart that God loves me. 

I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ,

Ephesians 3:16-18 (NIV)

Then, when I am confident in God’s love for me, and in no doubt that He has my back no matter what, I can stop being like a pendulum. I can be relaxed like Jesus was when He slept through the stormy boat ride. 

The strength and power I need can only come from the Holy Spirit. I cannot ‘empower’ myself. So, in my 30minutes I am expectant that as I silently sit with the Lord, He will strengthen me. 

Today marks day one of these two new actions and I’m excitedly looking forward to the new thing the Lord does in me, and through me.

Pray for me, won’t you? Or, if like me you need new strength, please join me in taking these new actions!  

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Through, Not Around


This is part two of the previous post. If you haven’t already read it, please start here.

Another thing going on is that being here has got my emotions all over the place because of certain challenges I face with my relative. This is despite the Lord showing me two years ago – before there was a problem – that everything would go well. Of course I did not understand the vision then, but now I do. So, I already have assurance that things will work out and end well. But I’ve found myself wavering between holding onto this hope and being overcome by doubt. Somewhat like a pendulum swinging left to right, high then low. 

Even with the faith booster from my extra Bible reading, my thoughts still venture into the realm of doubt and despair. I can’t tell you how many times I have cried out to the Lord to take me back home! Why? Because I know He already intends to heal and save this relative, and He has the power to do so in an instant. There’s no need for Him to wait to do what He is able and willing to do! 

Which is why I’ve been asking Him “what are You waiting for?” Then yesterday it clicked . . . He is waiting for me to stop being a pendulum; He is standing by until I am “strong, firm, and steadfast.” The Lord doesn’t want me to take a shortcut that avoids this situation, but rather to go through it, with Him by my side, and come out stronger. 

And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast

1 Peter 5:10 (NIV)

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Triple The Word

Since my last post, I have had to relocate to a different town to support a relative. What I thought would be a 2-week stay has turned into 6-weeks, with no sign of my return home in sight. In these six weeks I have learnt a few lessons I would like to share.

Initially, I thought I was here to help my relative. However, one week into my stay I discovered the Lord has me here so He can separate me from my every-day tasks. Why? So I can spend extra time with Him. I’ve sensed Him guide me into tripling the time I spend reading my Bible. Yup! You heard right . . . tripling!

And you know what’s odd . . . about six months ago a friend invited me to a Bible study that I thought covered way too many chapters per day. I told her it wasn’t possible for me to fit in that many chapters into my day and politely declined to join. Well . . . that’s exactly the number of chapters I now find myself reading! Ha! I guess you could say the Lord helped me “create” the time. Doesn’t the Lord have a great sense of humour?

While at the start it seemed like a lot of reading, I have experienced how reading the Bible has a way of increasing my faith. I can’t quite explain how, but it certainly brings to life the verse about faith coming as a result of hearing the word.

Now, if like me, you find yourself in a situation where you need to turbo charge your faith, I recommend you spend more time reading your Bible.

Consequently, faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word about Christ.

Romans 10:17 (NIV)

I’m grateful for this first lesson. And praying for grace to maintain this new reading pattern in the days & years to come.

Be sure to look out for lesson two!

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Use the Key!

Monday September 30, 2024.

If you live in the same country as I do, then you’ll no doubt be aware that there is a lot of evil doing happening here.

When I consider all that’s going on, I cannot help but draw parallels between us and what the Old Testament nation of Israel went through in the period of the judges. We are repeatedly told that Israel did evil in the eyes of the Lord by serving foreign gods, which angered God. The result? God “gave them over” to oppression. And isn’t oppression the right word to describe what’s happening to our children, our payslips and farm produce?

But every time Israel turned back to God and cried out for help, the Lord sent a leader who would lead them in pushing back the oppressive enemies. Then the land would have peace until the people again turned away from God. And thus the pattern goes throughout the book of Judges.

Now, it’s easy for us to point fingers at our leaders and call them greedy and all sorts of other names. However, we too need to look inwards to check on the state of our hearts. What is our relationship to money? Who, between Jesus and money are you serving? Who, between the two has more influence over your choices? Is your top priority to accumulate wealth on earth (where moth & vermin destroy), or to store up treasure in heaven? 

These are questions I have had to grapple with recently. And I was shocked to find out that my desire to grow financially was deeper than my desire to submit to Jesus and put Him first in my life. It was a painful and heartbreaking realisation to discover that my heart was just as flawed as those I criticised, all while believing I was one of the ‘good ones.’ 

Today, I invite you to do some introspection . . . 

See, when you and I acknowledge that we are just as greedy for wealth as our leaders are, then truly repent; that will initiate the change Kenya needs. When we commit to serving God and not money, God will hear our cry and push back the oppression.

You and I hold the key to turning things around. The question is — will you use the key?

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A New Appreciation

Allow me to share my experience as I chatted with two fathers about their children.

The first father was visibly distressed about his child’s poor performance at school. I could actually see the pain on his face as he asked me to have a word with her. He shared that her grades had been steadily dropping since she joined high school. And the rate at which she was going, she was almost certainly going to fail her final year exams.  

The second father has a slightly older daughter. She completed her bachelor’s degree about four years ago and she has had trouble securing a job in her field of study. This father was sharing his plans for his daughter’s further education, and he was in despair because he did not have as much money as was required for a master’s program. I could hear the anguish in his voice when he shared this. 

As I’ve reflected on these two conversations, I have come to a new realisation about fathers. I reckon fathers are some of the most uncelebrated, unacknowledged people in our society. This is a new appreciation for me because I have seen firsthand the pain fathers have caused to many children (me included). But these two fathers, and my own dad (story for another day) have shown me up close that fathers are often misunderstood, and that they have a deep love for their children; even when they are unexpressive.  

Through these two fathers, I also have a fresh awareness of what our Father in heaven’s heart is towards us. Like the two fathers, our Father in heaven cares immensely about our wellbeing. He wants what is best for us and is grieved when we either go astray or do not experience His good plans for us. Through these two fathers, I can clearly see what the psalmist meant when He wrote,

As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him; for He knows how we are formed, He remembers that we are dust. 
Psalm 103:13–14 NIV

So, take a moment to join me in thanking God for being our perfect Father in heaven, and asking Him to give society a new appreciation for fathers.