Tag: #hope

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Every. Day.

Hello! It’s been quite a while since I was on these streets. How have you been?

I have had a lot going on with me and around me.

Please share, I hear you say! Okay, okay, here goes . . . 

I’ll start with what has been going on around me. And by around me I mean mostly not in my heart or mind.

My father retired. Rather, he was unwillingly retired because he had hit the mandatory retirement age. And with that came depression. He had gone from being a workaholic to waking up and having nowhere to go, and nothing to do. Then the depression turned into memory lapses, and rapidly deteriorated into dementia. So my siblings and I moved him so he could live closer to us. Being the only one who can be easily uprooted, I moved into the new flat with him (thanks to having no family of my own! I never thought that the day would come when that was an advantage. Ha!).

Meanwhile, as I prayed concerning my father, I so clearly sensed the Lord say that my dad’s issue wasn’t dementia but sadness/depression. And prior to retirement or dad’s issues manifesting, I had received a vision of my dad speaking at a church. Now — my dad is opposed to all things religion or God . . . and even more opposed to the fake “born-again types” (how he refers to us believers!). So to see him in church, speaking, was to me absolute confirmation that the day would come when he would say yes to Jesus. And when the dementia symptoms started to show up, it was an indication to me that the symptoms would be reversed because to accept Jesus, he would need to have a sound mind. 

Yet, knowing all this, it’s been really difficult handling the symptoms. I’ve been on an emotional rollercoaster since day 1 of moving in with him. Every day I wake up hoping that today is the day I see dad restored, and as at last evening, that day hadn’t come. (I will add yet because I am certain the day will come!)  

Every morning as I wonder how I will handle the day’s disappointment if there is no change in dad, I am discovering that the Lord is faithful even when He seems to be far off. Every day He has given me a word or a song that keeps me going for the day. 

The song that is on repeat in my mind currently is the great old hymn “Great is Thy Faithfulness!” If you’ve read The Forgotten Day, you know how I love those old-time hymns. 

Great is Thy faithfulness!
Great is Thy faithfulness!
Morning by morning new mercies I see:
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided—
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me!

The part that’s really struck a chord with me this week is “morning by morning new mercies I see.” Which of course is taken from:

"Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,
For his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
   great is your faithfulness."
Lamentations 3:22–23 NIV

Nobody warns you of the challenges that come with caring for an ailing/ageing parent, or the valleys that one must go through before God’s promise is fulfilled. Not even reading about Joseph & his prison adventures is preparation enough! . . . But this one thing is for sure — God is faithful and He supplies the comfort, mercy, encouragement, peace, or grace that you need for that day. Because He alone knows where your heart is at, or what the day will bring. So when you find yourself on an emotional rollercoaster, that’s the time to cling to Him even more.

Every. Day.

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Blameless!

Today I’d like to write about a matter that’s very dear to my heart. 

If you’ve read this post, you’ll know that somewhere in my past, I cancelled a wedding. My wedding, that is! What you don’t know is that I haven’t dated anyone since. Initially I was so excited about the Lord saving me from getting into a marriage that would cause me grief, that I didn’t care about dating again. I was happy to wait for the Lord to bring the right guy, at the right time. Then the years turned into a decade, and I began to despair.  If you’re African, you know the value that our society places on having children and keeping the family name going. You might even have an aunty (or more!) who talk to you incessantly about having children!

Well … now that I’m getting closer to 50, nobody asks about children any more. To them, it’s too late, so they don’t bother! Which, when I think about it, is good since I despair enough on my own and certainly have no need for external sources of despair on the matter. But what comes along with the despair that many are unaware of, is the shame of being single and childless at this age. Our society can be harsh and unforgiving toward people in my situation. If I were to measure the weight of the shame I (and others) carry, it would break the scale. 

With the shame comes questions ranging from “what’s wrong with me that I’m single and childless?” to “what sin is God punishing me for?” Once in a while, the question “am I under a generational curse?” also pops up. 

On the flip side, I ask myself … if the Lord were to give me children now, would I have the energy to raise them? Wouldn’t having children at this age bring more shame because I’m having children when my peers are having grandchildren? As you can see, the word “shame” appears a lot. I suppose that’s part of our African context and culture. 

But recently I was reading the Bible and saw something that I’d not noticed before: 

“In the time of Herod king of Judea there was a priest named Zechariah, who belonged to the priestly division of Abijah; his wife Elizabeth was also a descendant of Aaron.  Both of them were righteous in the sight of God, observing all the Lord’s commands and decrees blamelessly.  But they were childless because Elizabeth was not able to conceive, and they were both very old  
Luke 1:5—7 (NIV)

Did you see it? Elizabeth and Zechariah were old, and childless, but blameless in God’s sight! For me, that totally nullified the “what sin is God punishing me for?” or “generational curses” questions. These verses have provided great comfort and encouragement since! 

I still have days when I wish my life was different in regard to having a husband and children, but then I also know that to follow Jesus means that like Him, I have to be willing to carry my cross. And if this — keeping my body pure — is the cross I have to carry as I follow Jesus, then so be it! 

So to all the single ladies out there who are staying pure for Jesus’s sake, may God give you the strength and joy to keep going. To all the married ladies who are staying faithful to their husbands by not having a child with another man and passing this child off as his, may God richly bless you! Lastly, to all the husbands, who like Zechariah remain committed to their wives despite having no children, may God show Himself faithful and hear your prayers! 

No matter what your situation, stay close to Jesus because in Him you are blameless!

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Through, Not Around


This is part two of the previous post. If you haven’t already read it, please start here.

Another thing going on is that being here has got my emotions all over the place because of certain challenges I face with my relative. This is despite the Lord showing me two years ago – before there was a problem – that everything would go well. Of course I did not understand the vision then, but now I do. So, I already have assurance that things will work out and end well. But I’ve found myself wavering between holding onto this hope and being overcome by doubt. Somewhat like a pendulum swinging left to right, high then low. 

Even with the faith booster from my extra Bible reading, my thoughts still venture into the realm of doubt and despair. I can’t tell you how many times I have cried out to the Lord to take me back home! Why? Because I know He already intends to heal and save this relative, and He has the power to do so in an instant. There’s no need for Him to wait to do what He is able and willing to do! 

Which is why I’ve been asking Him “what are You waiting for?” Then yesterday it clicked . . . He is waiting for me to stop being a pendulum; He is standing by until I am “strong, firm, and steadfast.” The Lord doesn’t want me to take a shortcut that avoids this situation, but rather to go through it, with Him by my side, and come out stronger. 

And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast

1 Peter 5:10 (NIV)

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Wait Joyfully!

This morning, our kitten showed signs of a leg injury. My five-going-on-twelve niece caught me looking at the cat sympathetically as she limped across the floor. The little girl interpreted my sympathetic look as sadness on my part. Next, she asked me in a very matter-of-fact way why I was unhappy, yet I knew that the vet was on his way. She was adamant that me knowing the kitten would be attended to, was reason enough for me to be happy even before the vet arrived.  

I quietly smiled to myself in amazement at how the Lord had used a 5-year-old to demonstrate a lesson for me. See, I’m currently studying what the Bible says about hope and what it means for me practically. What I’ve learnt so far is that hope is a confident expectation that God will keep His promises. For this reason, hope involves waiting for the promise to come to pass. You know like Abraham and Sarah waited for a son . . .

Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed and so became the father of many nations, just as it had been said to him, “So shall your offspring be.

Romans 4:18 NIV

I’ve also learnt that hope is closely intertwined with faith. How, you ask? Well, faith is being convinced that God is almighty, trustworthy, good and full of love for us. When you and I are absolutely certain of His character (faith), then we can wait in confidence (hope).

Sometimes the wait is so long that your insides start to feel all knotted up. Yet even though you don’t know when, you know the promise will definitely come to pass. Hence you are able to keep a positive attitude while you wait. That is why faith is described as . . . 

. . . confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.

Hebrews 11:1 NIV

Are you, like me, waiting on God to fulfil a promise? Let us look back on our own lives, or to the Bible, and be reminded that God is faithful, and He keeps His promises. Therefore, we can wait joyfully, and like Israel, say: 

“Look, this is our God; we have waited for him, and he has saved us. This is the Lord; we have waited for him. Let’s rejoice and be glad in his salvation.”

Isaiah 25:9 CSB

By waiting joyfully, we can draw others to Jesus as they marvel at our attitude.