Category: Waiting

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The Forgotten Day

We have officially got into our rainy season here, and the grey weather has crept into my life. These past couple of weeks have been turbulent for me. Actually, it’s probably more accurate to say these past couple of months! Some days I feel like I’ve been tossed into a raging sea. Before I can come up for air and breathe, I find myself tossed about again. It’s been very uncomfortable! All this while trying my best not to re-join the waltz! 

I’ve observed and learnt a few things that I’d like to share . . .

The big lesson is that I must learn to watch my thoughts. Self-control doesn’t just apply to physical appetites or throwing about careless words. Self control also applies to the thoughts I allow to take up residence in my mind. I’m learning that no matter what’s going on with me, I must monitor my thoughts so that they don’t lead me down a dark rabbit hole. Some of the thoughts I must kick out include “Why me, Lord? Why is this happening to me?,” or “Why aren’t You answering my prayers, Lord?,” and any other thought that accuses God of being unkind. I’m (doing my best) to be like Job and remind myself that I should be ready to accept both good and bad from God. Hoping that somewhere down the line the turmoil will end, and I’ll see what God was working out. Like it says in Hebrews 12, God disciplines/trains those He loves through hardship, and

"No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.” 
Hebrews 12:11 NIV

So now, when I chat with the Lord, I ask Him to show me what He is working in me and for me. I ask Him to teach me to persevere through, and not around the situation. 

This week I’ve also spent lots of time on one of my favourite ways to soothe my soul . . . listening to the great old-time hymns. I’ve found much comfort in singing along as I do my daily tasks. It has been so helpful! And led me to stumble upon an observation . . .

As I listen, I cannot help but think that we, believers in Jesus today, have lost part of the hope we have in Jesus. What do I mean? Well, a great majority of the hymns mention life with Jesus in eternity. And life with Jesus forever isn’t something that we hear taught or discussed much these days. It is almost becoming a forgotten day. Yet we are told that His return should be something we use to encourage one another . . . 

"And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching." 
Hebrews 10:24—25 NIV

One of the graces that God has given us is the gift of knowing that our time on earth is brief, and therefore there will be an end to our suffering and troubles. We also have the promise that Jesus will come for us so we can be with Him forever. I suspect that if we reminded each other of this fact often, then we would be encouraged to persevere through seasons of discipline/hardship. We might also be discouraged from the endless pursuit and hoarding of wealth.

This has certainly been my experience this week as I listen to the hymns. The hope that I will receive a new nature that isn’t prone to sin, and be with God forever has been renewed in me. I’m hoping that as I continue to listen to the hymns, that I’ll get to the point where this hope is so alive in me that I can brush off things that would ordinarily annoy me or cause me to complain. Because I know that in comparison to eternity, these things are a meaningless “vapour.” I really would love for this to be true for me! 

"For the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people.  It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, while we wait for the blessed hope — the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ," 
Titus 2: 11—13 NIV

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Blameless!

Today I’d like to write about a matter that’s very dear to my heart. 

If you’ve read this post, you’ll know that somewhere in my past, I cancelled a wedding. My wedding, that is! What you don’t know is that I haven’t dated anyone since. Initially I was so excited about the Lord saving me from getting into a marriage that would cause me grief, that I didn’t care about dating again. I was happy to wait for the Lord to bring the right guy, at the right time. Then the years turned into a decade, and I began to despair.  If you’re African, you know the value that our society places on having children and keeping the family name going. You might even have an aunty (or more!) who talk to you incessantly about having children!

Well … now that I’m getting closer to 50, nobody asks about children any more. To them, it’s too late, so they don’t bother! Which, when I think about it, is good since I despair enough on my own and certainly have no need for external sources of despair on the matter. But what comes along with the despair that many are unaware of, is the shame of being single and childless at this age. Our society can be harsh and unforgiving toward people in my situation. If I were to measure the weight of the shame I (and others) carry, it would break the scale. 

With the shame comes questions ranging from “what’s wrong with me that I’m single and childless?” to “what sin is God punishing me for?” Once in a while, the question “am I under a generational curse?” also pops up. 

On the flip side, I ask myself … if the Lord were to give me children now, would I have the energy to raise them? Wouldn’t having children at this age bring more shame because I’m having children when my peers are having grandchildren? As you can see, the word “shame” appears a lot. I suppose that’s part of our African context and culture. 

But recently I was reading the Bible and saw something that I’d not noticed before: 

“In the time of Herod king of Judea there was a priest named Zechariah, who belonged to the priestly division of Abijah; his wife Elizabeth was also a descendant of Aaron.  Both of them were righteous in the sight of God, observing all the Lord’s commands and decrees blamelessly.  But they were childless because Elizabeth was not able to conceive, and they were both very old  
Luke 1:5—7 (NIV)

Did you see it? Elizabeth and Zechariah were old, and childless, but blameless in God’s sight! For me, that totally nullified the “what sin is God punishing me for?” or “generational curses” questions. These verses have provided great comfort and encouragement since! 

I still have days when I wish my life was different in regard to having a husband and children, but then I also know that to follow Jesus means that like Him, I have to be willing to carry my cross. And if this — keeping my body pure — is the cross I have to carry as I follow Jesus, then so be it! 

So to all the single ladies out there who are staying pure for Jesus’s sake, may God give you the strength and joy to keep going. To all the married ladies who are staying faithful to their husbands by not having a child with another man and passing this child off as his, may God richly bless you! Lastly, to all the husbands, who like Zechariah remain committed to their wives despite having no children, may God show Himself faithful and hear your prayers! 

No matter what your situation, stay close to Jesus because in Him you are blameless!

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Through, Not Around


This is part two of the previous post. If you haven’t already read it, please start here.

Another thing going on is that being here has got my emotions all over the place because of certain challenges I face with my relative. This is despite the Lord showing me two years ago – before there was a problem – that everything would go well. Of course I did not understand the vision then, but now I do. So, I already have assurance that things will work out and end well. But I’ve found myself wavering between holding onto this hope and being overcome by doubt. Somewhat like a pendulum swinging left to right, high then low. 

Even with the faith booster from my extra Bible reading, my thoughts still venture into the realm of doubt and despair. I can’t tell you how many times I have cried out to the Lord to take me back home! Why? Because I know He already intends to heal and save this relative, and He has the power to do so in an instant. There’s no need for Him to wait to do what He is able and willing to do! 

Which is why I’ve been asking Him “what are You waiting for?” Then yesterday it clicked . . . He is waiting for me to stop being a pendulum; He is standing by until I am “strong, firm, and steadfast.” The Lord doesn’t want me to take a shortcut that avoids this situation, but rather to go through it, with Him by my side, and come out stronger. 

And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast

1 Peter 5:10 (NIV)