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Uncertain Times

It’s been a while since I shared a thought here. Mainly because so much has been going on in my life, and in my nation. If you aren’t already familiar with what’s going in Kenya, please look it up.

For quite a number of years now, I’ve sensed the Lord guide me towards a career change. At first, I ignored the ‘feeling’ and thought perhaps I simply needed a revised strategy or new approach to my work. But at the start of this year the ‘feeling’ was too loud for me to keep ignoring. I no longer found joy in my work. It had become an unpleasant chore that I performed because I had no choice. Well, that, and I needed the money!

At the start of this year (2024), I decided to get on board with what I was sensing the Lord say to me and I walked away. It was very difficult because this was what I had done since 2006; and all that I was an expert at. Plus, I couldn’t see where the Lord was leading me to. But in March, He brought about an opportunity that I thought was something to do while I wait for the next real job. This is now the final week of July, and the ‘real job’ hasn’t come along yet. What’s started to dawn on me is that this opportunity might be ‘the real job!’

This new opportunity has come with a much lower income, but it is also something that I’m enjoying. However, between the lower income and unrest in Kenya, I have been very anxious about my financial security. I must say I’ve been struggling to trust that God will provide and that He has my back. Some days it’s gone well, and other days it hasn’t.

But God doesn’t only have me covered financially, He had already gone ahead of me and worked in me to write and publish a little book a few years ago. I thought I needed the book at the time I was writing it, but I realise that I need it even more now. One thing that has amazed me about how God works is that the little book brings me so much comfort and peace. Every time I re-read it, it’s as though I’m reading it for the first time!

When I look around me, there seems to be turmoil almost everywhere and it seems that we are in need of words that bring peace and comfort more than ever. So, if you find yourself staring at uncertainty and need to hear God’s personal assurance to you, check out the eBook here: Uncertain Times: God’s Personal Assurance to You

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On My Side

Back in the 1980s, we had a much-loved auntie who lived in a small town on the edge of the Rift Valley. To reach her on phone, we had to first dial a number that connected us to the national telephone operator, then give the operator her number, and ask to be connected to her. We could only speak to her when the operator put us through. #IYKYK

In those days, when the (fixed) house phone rang, you answered it because you didn’t know who was calling or whether they had an urgent message for you. Today, we have mobile phones which show us who is calling, so we have the option to choose to answer (or not). And we are even able to ask them to send us a text so we can gauge how urgent the call is. How far the telephone has come since the 80s!  

These days when I call a friend and she doesn’t pick up, there’s a tendency for me to wonder why she isn’t answering her phone. I quietly wonder, ‘what could she be doing?’ And that can spiral downwards really quick to ‘why is she ignoring me? Have I done something wrong?’

Sometimes this attitude spills over into my conversations with God. If it takes a while to see answers to a prayer, I wonder if I’ve done anything wrong. Or question why He is ignoring me. This is one of the areas that the Lord has been working on, in me. He’s been teaching me that He always hears when I pray, He always answers, and His presence is always with me. He is teaching me to be confident in His love for me. Because at the root of me thinking He is ignoring me, is a lack of faith that He loves me and a fear that I’m on my own.

One of the verses He has used to increase my confidence in His love is . . .

So do not fear, for I am with you;
    do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
    I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Isaiah 41:10

Through this verse I’m learning to remind myself that He is always at work when I invite Him to a situation. I am learning to trust that no matter how things look, or how long it takes to see answers to my prayers, that He is with me, and He is on my side.

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Mature and Complete

Remember the kitten that formed part of my lesson on waiting? You can read it here Wait Joyfully.

Well, the kitten’s mother, Kit, has taught me a few lessons too. For instance, Kit has a way of letting you know she is hungry. It took us a while to figure it out, but now we understand that when she behaves a certain way, she is asking for food. What’s more, her reaction when she sees the food is impressive.

That is, in comparison to her kitten’s reaction. When the kitten hears food being poured into her bowl, she gets very excited, runs around and jumps at you. Which makes it extremely difficult to set down her bowl where she can eat.

Kit, on the other hand, waits patiently. She keeps her eye on her bowl at all times, but she waits at one spot until the bowl is put where she can access the food. 

The other day as I watched Kit, I thought to myself . . .  what a great display of patience . . . from an animal! The only reason I could come up with to explain the behaviour difference between Kit and her kitten, is that Kit is mature. This thought was quickly followed by a reminder that patience and being able to wait on God’s timing are marks of a mature follower of Jesus. As you can imagine, this thought led to a self-examination on my own level of maturity. (Now is a good time to pause and examine yourself . . .).  

Do I, like the kittens (or little babies), throw a fit whenever God doesn’t answer my prayer exactly as I expected Him to? Or do I get impatient when He doesn’t work according to my schedule and take matters into my own hands (like Sarah and Abraham did)? 

“Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”

James 1:4 NIV

The level of patience you and I exercise is an indication of how much we trust God. The more we trust in God’s faithfulness and goodness, the more likely we are to wait confidently for His answer and timing. 

There are definitely areas that I could exercise more patience.

How about you? 

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Over the Hurdle

If you watch athletics, then you know that Kenya is famous for winning steeplechase, aka water-and-hurdle races. Now, though I neither have the ability nor the desire to run, I thought I should write about hurdles instead. And this is how my most recent interaction with hurdles went:

It was a few days ago. I called a friend with whom I normally enjoy a good laugh. This time though, her tone of voice told me all was not well. 

It turns out she needed her passport renewed so she could travel for an emergency, but the immigration officers were being ‘unhelpful.’ If you’re from these parts, you know that ‘unhelpful’ can quickly turn to ‘helpful’ when your purse shows up. She was neither willing nor able to pull out her purse, hence her disheartenment. And she didn’t have friends in high places either. 

After sensing her frustration was getting out of hand, she left to get a cup of tea and recollect her thoughts. It was at this point that I called. We chatted and prayed before she went back to immigration.  

Later that evening we spoke, and she said she had again faced the same hurdle, but unlike before, this time she was able to lodge her renewal application and told to return in 2 days.  We spent the 2days praying for God’s favour. Bright and early on day 3, she sent a cheery message saying her new passport was safely in her hand! 

As she and I join together in thanking God, I’m reminded that I shouldn’t despair, or seek friends in high places when there is a hurdle before me. Like our athletes approach the hurdles without fear, I should see the hurdle as something to be overcome. How? By going to God in prayer because He is all-mighty and all-powerful. He is able to get me over the hurdle. Just as He says in Isaiah,

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

Isaiah 41:10 NIV
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Census Diary

Today is Saturday 24th August 2019. Day One of the 2019 Kenya Population Census. It is 8:22pm, and we are waiting for the enumerators to come. 

While we wait, my mind wanders away from the census to a song I like. . . 

When the trumpet of the Lord shall sound, and time will be no more, and the morning breaks, eternal, bright and fair; when the saved of earth shall gather over on the other shore, and the roll is called up yonder, I’ll be there.”

Next, I find myself reflecting on the question, “If this were a census for citizens of heaven, would I be among the people counted? Would the enumerators leave a mark at my door indicating that I’m a citizen of heaven?” 

The census and sleep interrupt my reflection, but these questions linger long after the census is concluded . . .

Fast forward to today, in 2023. 

I came across a passage in Ezekiel chapter 9 that I haven’t noticed before. What caught my attention is that God at the time put a mark on those who were righteous. Without any invitation whatsoever, the questions from the 2019 census intruded into my thoughts. Before I knew it, my mind drifted to the doorposts marked with blood during the exodus, then zoomed all the way to the Revelation 7 scene where angels put a mark on the righteous people. I quickly concluded that God does mark His people. Just as the census enumerators left a marking at my door frame.

As I thought through these passages in light of my 2019 questions, I was reminded of a verse in the Bible that mentions believers being marked today. So, I went in search of the verse to clarify what it says . . .

“And you also were included in Christ when you heard the message of truth, the gospel of your salvation. When you believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit,”

Ephesians 1:13

What I understood is that because of faith in Jesus as Son of God and Saviour, I too have been sealed by the Holy Spirit. And I was comforted to know that when the trumpet sounds and the roll is called, I’ll be there! Not because of anything I’ve done, but all thanks to God marking me.

How about you? Where will you be when the trumpet sounds? Where will you be when God calls the saved of the earth to ‘the other shore’?

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Conformed or Transformed 2

Remember how I almost got married a decade ago in a bid to conform to society’s expectations? If you haven’t read part 1, start here. All caught up? Let’s continue . . .

Oddly, despite making the decision to soldier on, I continued to say a prayer that went something like — “Lord, if this guy is not the one for me, please remove him from my heart and life. Don’t let me make a mistake.” Strange, yes? God, in His mercy, answered. One day I felt something like scales fall off my eyes and simultaneously had a series of flashbacks of all the red flags I was ignoring. And boy, were they many! I saw the entirety of our dating life from a crystal-clear perspective. It was like watching a movie of someone else about to make a colossal mistake. That day, I knew I could not go ahead with the wedding. So, I called off the next visit in our cultural process. Actually, truth be told, I didn’t have the courage to outright cancel it. I instead postponed the date, without offering a new date. He knew something was wrong, but he did not make a fuss. But (and again I shake my head) I continued to date him. I didn’t have the courage to leave. He had not been unfaithful, or abusive, or any other majorly negative thing. I continually asked myself, “In what universe does a 30-something-year-old-girl call off an engagement yet the guy is faithful and honourable? What will people say?” I kept this up for perhaps a year. All the while praying for God to remove him from my heart and life. Again, like I said, God in His mercy answered my prayer. He gave me both the courage and opportunity to call it off. God even ensured my dad had my back because dad told me that it should not matter what people think of me, only that I was making the right decision. So, I called off the engagement.

I thought the shame and pain would kill me. But God! God is so faithful! I did not cry once after I called it off. Instead, I felt relieved and joyful and eager to see what God had in store for my future. I also thought He had a husband waiting right around the corner; but that’s a story for another day.  

Now that I am older, and slightly more mature in my faith, I understand that marriage should represent the love Jesus has for His bride/the church . . . it isn’t something to be taken lightly. It certainly was madness for me to want to get married just because I was getting old. At only 33! Ha! 

Like I said in part 1, I am now 43. Knowing what marriage symbolises, makes me want to go into it for the right reason, and with every intention of honouring my vows.

Some days I despair about whether it will happen. 

But then, even if I never get married, it doesn’t diminish my worth, or my love for Jesus!  I’d much rather keep being transformed than conform to society’s expectations.

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Conformed or Transformed?

A couple of days ago, my friend and I were having a laugh about the grass always seeming greener on the other side of the fence. You see, she’s married and wishes she were single. I am single and want to be married! How perplexing!  

Even though I’m single at 43, I almost got married a decade ago. The key word is almost. Why? How? Why? 

Well, the brief version is that we were incompatible. Mismatched. Unsuited.  

The longer version is that the guy and his family came home for what is the first visit in our cultural marriage process. My parents, family, and some friends were there to witness the joyous occasion. He and I had been dating for a while, and this was the expected next step. The night before, however, I found myself crying and feeling sad as I thought about the following day’s ceremony. You see, deep down, I knew that we were not a good match. I had asked him every possible question to gauge his opinion on issues that were important for me. Not once did he and I have the same stand on what mattered to me. Not once! Despite this, I continued dating him in the hope that he would change his mind or come around to my way of thinking’. Being in my early 30s, I believed that this was my final chance to get married. I thought that if I let this opportunity slip, I would be too old for anyone to ever consider me. How naive I was a decade ago! 

So back to the day before his family came for a visit. I knew I was highly likely making a mistake. However, the parents were now involved, and I couldn’t very well change my mind at that point. If I did, I would bring shame on my family and make me look like an outright idiot! If you know anything about African culture, you know that bringing shame to the family is a ‘no-no.’ Remember Miss goody-two-shoes? (Read it here) Well, she could not imagine being the one to set such a bad example for her younger siblings and cousins; or embarrass her parents. So, I did the sensible thing and chose to soldier on, with the intention of getting out of the marriage when things got worse. After I had a baby; of course! 

See how the devil’s lies can sound so reasonable? 

That’s why Romans 12:2 says we shouldn’t conform to the world’s patterns. 

Look out for Part two . . . 

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Goody Two-Shoes, or Born Again?

Goody goody. Remember that snack? Hmmm . . . what a pleasant memory! If you grew up at the same time I did, there was this totally yummy chocolate called ‘goody goody.’ Those were the days! Even a mental image of the goody goody wrapper brings a smile to my face. 

But enough of my childhood memories! 

On to today’s matter. Are you a goody two-shoes, or a born-again Christian . . . 

So, goody two-shoes describes a person who always wants to do what’s right. I used to be a goody two-shoes. Always striving to be well behaved; to make the right choices and say the right thing. My motivation for being a goody two-shoes was to get people to like me. I figured that if I was obedient, courteous, docile, and agreeable then people would think I am a nice person. I guess you could say I was looking for acceptance from people.  

Then, there were other times that I just wanted to do what is right, because I was brought up that way. For instance, when I started my own business, there was an economic standstill due to political issues in the country. A friend introduced me to a board member at an organisation with offices country wide. This board member offered to make sure I won a tender that was yet to be advertised. All I had to do was inflate my quotation to include a handsome cut for him. To my friend’s surprise, I declined the opportunity. A small part of me wondered what I was doing, given the (harsh) economic situation at the time; but I knew I had made the right choice. My confidence in my choice was based on lessons from my dad as I was growing up. My decision had nothing to do with representing Jesus at work. At the time, I believed it was sufficient to do the right thing. I was simply a goody two-shoes.

More than that, I thought God was pleased with me for being well-behaved and making ethical choices at work. I even thought I was better off than some of the born-again people I knew, who did things I disapproved of! What I didn’t realise is I was still a sinner in God’s eyes, despite being a goody two-shoes. How come? Well, because all of us have sinned and fallen short of God’s glory (Romans 3:23). As you can imagine, I was rather surprised when I learnt this! What with all the effort I made to have people like me and accept me, I was nowhere close to being accepted by God!

Now, this realisation created some turmoil in me because I did not want to be ‘one of those saved people.’ Bit by bit, however, I became conscious that the only solution in God’s eyes was to be born again. I began to grasp that because of Jesus, God treats us much better than we deserve, by freely accepting us and setting us free from our sins (Romans 3:24).

How about you? Does doing the right thing rank highly for you? Do you like to be courteous and speak to others nicely? Do you believe in treating others fairly? Perhaps, like many Kenyans, you’ve perfected the art of throwing in an ‘amen’ here and a ‘praise God’ there? Well, . . . these are all good-to-do, but they don’t get you into God’s good book (also known as the Book of Life).

So, don’t just be a goody two-shoes. Be born again! Ama?

PS: If you are not sure that you are born again or you want to be born again, let’s chat some more on ‘precioushonouredloved@gmail.com’

 

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A Most Unlikely Teacher

Yesterday, I planted my first flower. Yes, yes, it’s okay to be surprised that this 1970-something born girl hasn’t planted anything before. I am a city kid and paid no attention whatsoever to any agriculture/farming lessons in school. So much so that, when I got to Form 1 and we were allowed to drop subjects, it was absolutely clear that agriculture would be the first subject to go!

Now that I am older (and wiser), I am reconsidering my attitude towards farming and gardening. Hence, the flower was my first attempt to learn a new skill. As I covered up the roots with soil, I found myself harbouring an unexpected thought. You see, my intention was to prepare the area for planting, set the flower in place, restore the area with soil, clean my hands and continue with my day. But this unforeseen thought took my mind hostage. I found myself feeling some sort of connection to the plant and wanting to see it thrive. I admit, part of this feeling was so I could say my attempt at gardening was successful. However, I also genuinely wanted to see the plant develop well.

As I often do, I shared this thought with the Lord; asking Him to let the plant grow well. At which point I sensed the Lord say to me, “If you care for the welfare of this plant, how much more do I, Your Creator, care about your well-being, my child?”

At that instant, a portion of Matthew 6 flashed through my mind:

“And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendour was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you— you of little faith?

Matthew 6:28-30 NIV

See, I’m currently in a season where the business environment isn’t as healthy as it could be (thanks to the post-COVID-19 effects). Many companies have been forced to scrap their training budget, which means there is less work available for me. So, there have been moments when I’ve been anxious about provision. See why the Lord used my initial attempt at gardening to teach me a lesson? He sure doesn’t waste any opportunities!

And, while I am trusting Him to provide for me, I should simply do what the well known Sunday School song taught us – “Why worry, when you can pray . . . ”

(Sing along with me, won’t you?)