Category: Trust God

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Good. Perfect.

Previously, I shared some of what’s been going on . .   around me, that is. Today I’d like to share some of what has been going on in my heart. 

By now you know that songs are my go-to when I need encouragement. And you’ll be pleasantly surprised to hear that the song I have on repeat isn’t a hymn! 😃 I’m listening to Sinach’s “Final Word.” It’s the first time I’ve listened to it and I love it! 

But what does “Final Word” have to do with where my heart is at the moment? 

To answer this, I’d have to take you back about a decade ago, when a friend gave me a cute Bible as a gift. To make the gift extra special, she wrote her favourite verse below my name. I excitedly turned to the verse and my excitement quickly faded and gave way to disappointment. You see, the verse was Psalm 115:3 which says,

“Our God is in heaven; he does whatever pleases him.“

My outlook dimmed because the thought that God does what He wants was the least comforting thing for me to hear. Due to the depth of pain from my childhood, and seemingly endless waiting for many prayers to be answered, it felt as though God’s will was to cause me pain. To make life as difficult for me as possible. I don’t know if you can relate. 

Needless to say, I made sure not to look at the “special verse” again!

And that’s generally been my attitude regarding God’s will until yesterday. Which is when I heard a sermon that linked Psalm 115:3 to a verse I love in the book of Romans. 

“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is — his good, pleasing and perfect will.” 
Romans 12:2 NIV

During the sermon, it instantly clicked that what God is pleased to do is always what is good for me; what will bring perfection in me. Even when it doesn’t seem glaringly obvious. So take for instance my current situation where I am waiting on God to fulfil His word to both heal and save my dad . . . what I see at present has me strongly discouraged, but despite the emotional rollercoaster, I can be confident that if this is God’s will, then this is what is good for me at the moment. God is not out to punish me. He wants what is good for me. (Though I deeply yearn for Him to act quicker!) 

And, if the only reason that I’m having to go through this emotional rollercoaster is so I can come to this place — where I don’t see God as out to cause me pain, but rather view Him as a loving God who wants the absolute best for me — then the many tears and sleepless nights will be worth it. (Much as I really don’t like or enjoy this rollercoaster.)

So, as Sinach sings, “everything You do is good. You are God alone.” 

I suppose what’s actually unfolding in me is a step away from fear, and deeper into the knowledge of God’s love. 

“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.”  
1 John 4:18 NIV

Finally, I must say I do not think this renewal of my mind would have happened if I had not accepted the Lord’s Triple the Word challenge. 

Glory be to God for the work He is doing, through His word, to transform me!  

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Every. Day.

Hello! It’s been quite a while since I was on these streets. How have you been?

I have had a lot going on with me and around me.

Please share, I hear you say! Okay, okay, here goes . . . 

I’ll start with what has been going on around me. And by around me I mean mostly not in my heart or mind.

My father retired. Rather, he was unwillingly retired because he had hit the mandatory retirement age. And with that came depression. He had gone from being a workaholic to waking up and having nowhere to go, and nothing to do. Then the depression turned into memory lapses, and rapidly deteriorated into dementia. So my siblings and I moved him so he could live closer to us. Being the only one who can be easily uprooted, I moved into the new flat with him (thanks to having no family of my own! I never thought that the day would come when that was an advantage. Ha!).

Meanwhile, as I prayed concerning my father, I so clearly sensed the Lord say that my dad’s issue wasn’t dementia but sadness/depression. And prior to retirement or dad’s issues manifesting, I had received a vision of my dad speaking at a church. Now — my dad is opposed to all things religion or God . . . and even more opposed to the fake “born-again types” (how he refers to us believers!). So to see him in church, speaking, was to me absolute confirmation that the day would come when he would say yes to Jesus. And when the dementia symptoms started to show up, it was an indication to me that the symptoms would be reversed because to accept Jesus, he would need to have a sound mind. 

Yet, knowing all this, it’s been really difficult handling the symptoms. I’ve been on an emotional rollercoaster since day 1 of moving in with him. Every day I wake up hoping that today is the day I see dad restored, and as at last evening, that day hadn’t come. (I will add yet because I am certain the day will come!)  

Every morning as I wonder how I will handle the day’s disappointment if there is no change in dad, I am discovering that the Lord is faithful even when He seems to be far off. Every day He has given me a word or a song that keeps me going for the day. 

The song that is on repeat in my mind currently is the great old hymn “Great is Thy Faithfulness!” If you’ve read The Forgotten Day, you know how I love those old-time hymns. 

Great is Thy faithfulness!
Great is Thy faithfulness!
Morning by morning new mercies I see:
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided—
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me!

The part that’s really struck a chord with me this week is “morning by morning new mercies I see.” Which of course is taken from:

"Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,
For his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
   great is your faithfulness."
Lamentations 3:22–23 NIV

Nobody warns you of the challenges that come with caring for an ailing/ageing parent, or the valleys that one must go through before God’s promise is fulfilled. Not even reading about Joseph & his prison adventures is preparation enough! . . . But this one thing is for sure — God is faithful and He supplies the comfort, mercy, encouragement, peace, or grace that you need for that day. Because He alone knows where your heart is at, or what the day will bring. So when you find yourself on an emotional rollercoaster, that’s the time to cling to Him even more.

Every. Day.

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Blameless!

Today I’d like to write about a matter that’s very dear to my heart. 

If you’ve read this post, you’ll know that somewhere in my past, I cancelled a wedding. My wedding, that is! What you don’t know is that I haven’t dated anyone since. Initially I was so excited about the Lord saving me from getting into a marriage that would cause me grief, that I didn’t care about dating again. I was happy to wait for the Lord to bring the right guy, at the right time. Then the years turned into a decade, and I began to despair.  If you’re African, you know the value that our society places on having children and keeping the family name going. You might even have an aunty (or more!) who talk to you incessantly about having children!

Well … now that I’m getting closer to 50, nobody asks about children any more. To them, it’s too late, so they don’t bother! Which, when I think about it, is good since I despair enough on my own and certainly have no need for external sources of despair on the matter. But what comes along with the despair that many are unaware of, is the shame of being single and childless at this age. Our society can be harsh and unforgiving toward people in my situation. If I were to measure the weight of the shame I (and others) carry, it would break the scale. 

With the shame comes questions ranging from “what’s wrong with me that I’m single and childless?” to “what sin is God punishing me for?” Once in a while, the question “am I under a generational curse?” also pops up. 

On the flip side, I ask myself … if the Lord were to give me children now, would I have the energy to raise them? Wouldn’t having children at this age bring more shame because I’m having children when my peers are having grandchildren? As you can see, the word “shame” appears a lot. I suppose that’s part of our African context and culture. 

But recently I was reading the Bible and saw something that I’d not noticed before: 

“In the time of Herod king of Judea there was a priest named Zechariah, who belonged to the priestly division of Abijah; his wife Elizabeth was also a descendant of Aaron.  Both of them were righteous in the sight of God, observing all the Lord’s commands and decrees blamelessly.  But they were childless because Elizabeth was not able to conceive, and they were both very old  
Luke 1:5—7 (NIV)

Did you see it? Elizabeth and Zechariah were old, and childless, but blameless in God’s sight! For me, that totally nullified the “what sin is God punishing me for?” or “generational curses” questions. These verses have provided great comfort and encouragement since! 

I still have days when I wish my life was different in regard to having a husband and children, but then I also know that to follow Jesus means that like Him, I have to be willing to carry my cross. And if this — keeping my body pure — is the cross I have to carry as I follow Jesus, then so be it! 

So to all the single ladies out there who are staying pure for Jesus’s sake, may God give you the strength and joy to keep going. To all the married ladies who are staying faithful to their husbands by not having a child with another man and passing this child off as his, may God richly bless you! Lastly, to all the husbands, who like Zechariah remain committed to their wives despite having no children, may God show Himself faithful and hear your prayers! 

No matter what your situation, stay close to Jesus because in Him you are blameless!

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Stopping the Waltz

About a half year ago I shared what it was like for me to change career (you can catch up with that story here ) It’s been almost a year now since the career change, and I figured that an update is due. 

First, unlike what I was doing before, I find that my work now has significance. Actually, I’m currently reading Ecclesiastes and the “Teacher” might disagree with that sentiment! All the same, let me explain — I can see how what I do now has potential to positively impact individuals,  and bring about the sort of society God would like to see. This is much unlike my previous career where my efforts went towards helping increase efficiency and company profits. Speaking of efficiency … have you seen the suggestion to have a 120hr work-week? Drop a comment and let me know how you feel about that. 

Where was I before that detour . . .? Ah! Updates . . .

The second update is that I’m still struggling with the lower income. So I find myself swinging like a pendulum; on the one hand, I’m relaxed and trust that “the Lord is my Shepherd, and I have all that I need” then I swing to the opposite extreme of panic and wracking my brain looking for ways to supplement my income. While on this end of the pendulum, I tell the Lord that if He gave me just a little more income, then I could spend less time talking to Him about my needs, and more time praying for situations and people; which is way more productive than focusing on myself. (The Lord must smile and shake His head at that “piece of advice” I have been giving Him. )

A few days ago, while on the trusting God end of the pendulum, I shared this Bible verse with a few friends:  

“For I am the Lord your God 
who takes hold of your right hand 
and says to you, Do not fear;  I will help you. " 
Isaiah 41:13 (NIV)

The first person to respond was a friend who has built a thriving business overseas. Allow me to spare you the details, but trust me when I say he has an “extremely healthy bank account.” In his message to me, he said that he was really in need of God’s help and that the Lord had prompted me to share that particular verse with him. As he received reassurance from the Lord, I simultaneously received correction from the Lord.  See, in the past year I’ve wrongly assumed that having “just a little more money” would settle my heart and restore peace. But this friend’s response told me that I was very mistaken. 

Peace can only come from God. No amount of money can give me the security that I seek. Only God can.

It also made me realise that I’ve been waltzing with fear, and allowing fear to lead the dance. So I have made a choice to walk away from the waltz, and trust that God is holding my hand and taking care of me. 

I should also add that despite my worries and persistent request for “just a little more,” God has actually been faithful throughout the year, and I have not lacked a single thing! So really, my lack of faith has had no basis, and is totally misplaced! 

“In you, Lord my God, I put my trust.”
Psalm 25:1 (NIV)